Tis a lesson you should heed: Try, try, try again. If at first you don't succeed, Try, try, try again

Below is an extract from my original post now available on squarespace: maggieblogs.com

Do you remember, in January, I listed all the things I want to do in 2015 (to see this list, clickhere)?I had three things I wanted to accomplish in January : 

• Organise two dates for when I am on vacation and complete them.
• Make bed everyday
• Read more

So, how did I do?

Well, if you look at my reading list, here, you can see I already have read quite a bit. I haven't quite sorted out all the books that I WANT to read over the next year but at least I've started reading again. Why, did I want to read more? Well, the truth is I used to have a superpower. Wait, what? A superpower? Ummm, you are not Captain America, kiddo! Yes, I know, but nevertheless I did. I used to be this incredibly fast reader and thanks to that superpower I used to devour books. I easily read 2 books a day, and on weekends even more.  I could read an Agatha Christie in less than two hours!  I couldn't get enough of it. I also would remember everything I read. However, since moving  to Korea I've started watching a lot more TV and it took me a long time to notice but I lost my superpower. So, a warning to all the superheroes out there - if you don't practice with your superpower every day you lose it. This freaked me out and because I didn't know how to handle it, I retreated from books. Well, this year I am focusing on getting my superpower back. When I read now,  I need to fully commit. One of my favourite motivational blogs, Zenhabits, recently posted an article: The Delightfully Short Guide to Reading More Books and, boy, has it ever changed my life. I haven't followed all the steps yet but using the closet has definitely come in handy as has only reading books I enjoy. I think this last is something I have been struggling with. Reading new books is good but if I am not interested in the subject matter, the genre, or the book itself doesn't draw me in, I tend to plug along until I finish it but it takes me months to do so. Well, no more. 

Click here to read the rest of the post.

We can share the myths, the dream, the prayer, The notion that we can do better

2015. Well, unlike a few years ago when I first started this blog, I'm way more passionate about resolutions. I've been reading a lot of blogs about minimalism, being healthy, getting your life in order, etc. As I tend to be a bit of a chaotic soul, I need some curtailment in my life! I want to improve my mind, my body, my soul this next year. These are my overall goals for the year. I will also add to this at different points in the year and I want to review this every month. For example, at the bottom of this page, I will list my goals in January. In February, I will review where I am on January's goals and revise as needed. My time in Korea is coming to an end and here are some of my goals and resolutions for the next year, in no particular order:

Goals

1. Take a cooking class in Korea.
2. Take a cooking class in Laos (I am going there for vacation in February).
3. Take a cooking class in Ireland.
4. Get some knife lessons. I could definitely use a brush up and lots of tips! 
5. Try Speed Dating.
6. Sign up and complete the CELTA.
7. Get training to be an Adult Literacy Tutor.
8. Organise a fundraiser for the House of Sharing.
9. Do the Camino.
10. Get my hair to a satisfactory healthy level.

Resolutions

1. Read more. (I want to get to the healthy level of at least 2 books a week.)
2. Write more on this blog.
3. Cook more for my cooking blog and Sejong Dish.
4. Waste less food.
5. Spend less money in Homeplus (I have a severe weakness!)
6. Walk more.
7. Draw more.
8. Go on more dates with myself.
9. Wake up at 6.00 every day including weekends. At least once go outside to the roof to watch the sunrise. This one is hard but I'd like it to be achieved before I leave Korea. It will also help for the Camino in September. 
10. Find a volunteer activity that I am passionate about. I have volunteered for different things over the years but I've never really found something I was 100% passionate about. I loved all the opportunities I have had but I never found the right fit for my time, energy and passion. Here's to some new opportunities.
11. Drink more tea
12. Take time to hangout more with my friends in Korea (and at home).
13. Cook for my friends more often.
14. Less TV/Computer/Phone time in the evenings. Try to turn it off at least 30 minutes before bed.
15. Save money so that I'm not completely financially dependent on my family when I go home. 
16. Keep in better contact with my friends in other countries (SKYPE dates!). 
17. Go to bed earlier. Basically, get more sleep.
18. Make my bed everyday. I hate this exercise but it's a good one to get into the habit of doing!

January 2015

• Organise two dates for when I am on vacation and complete them.
• Make bed everyday
• Read more

PS Title from this post is taken from Tracy Chapman's "New Beginning"

[I got] this party started on a [Friday] night

With E on Valentines at Exit.

At a cafe with M and A

Back in January after my first date with myself, I wrote down a series of days I could set aside for myself up until July. However, life has a way of interrupting the best laid plans of mice and Maggie. I had wanted to do something for Valentine's weekend but when that weekend rolled up, I'd several dates with friends. Valentines was spent at Hongdae Park and Exit Bar near Hongik University in Seoul. A friend was DJ-ing so we danced the night away. The following day I met up with some other friends in Hongdae for a falafel dinner, cake and coffee (and in my case a glass of wine!). Needless to say, when you are having so much fun with friends, a date with yourself is the last thing on your mind. However, I was up in Seoul again two weekends later to say goodbye to some very dear friends, E and D, and a huge welcome to a friend, CG, who is newly arrived from Ireland. I decided that I'd go up Friday and get plenty of sleep so that I could party the night away on Saturday.

On that Wednesday, my co-teacher told me that the principal had decided that I could have Thursday and Friday off to spend how I wanted. I already had plans for Thursday evening with the same co-teacher so I decided I'd head up around noon on Friday afternoon, check-in and then head on my date to an art museum or a palace for the day. Sadly, I wasn't prepared to leave by noon but eventually, I made my way to Seoul. At this point, I'd decided to not bother with the date and to just while away the time reading my book, eating dinner and sleeping. However, I realised that the department store I was eating in had a cinema. One of my aims with "dating myself" is to do things that I am nervous to do alone or at all. Going to the cinema by myself ranked high on that list!

Caramel popcorn

Cinema ticket!

My ugly jumper on date night

So, despite the fact that I was in sweatpants and a jumper, I decided to "get over myself" and courageously went up the escalator. Thankfully, there weren't many people in the foyer and I bought my ticket  to Non-stop with Liam Neeson (swoon!) with ease. Loaded up with a concealed bottle of water (I'm cheap, don't ya know?) and a visible bag of caramel popcorn, I passed my ticket over and made my way to screen one. I have to admit that I enjoy going to the cinema with friends/family more than going by myself. I love the inevitable chat afterwards, the sharing of the treats (seriously, I ate an entire bag of popcorn by myself) and, if a moment is crazy, weepy or hilarious, having someone you can share it with.  That being said, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. You do feel judged and perhaps it is worse in Korea than in Ireland. Everyone was there either as a couple or in groups of friends. I was, literally, the only person by myself, sitting on the edge of an row. I forgot myself at a few points and went to grab my neighbour's arm. Thankfully, I restrained myself in time: I don't think his girlfriend would have been too pleased!

Big Bread, Sinchon (exit 3)

On Saturday, I knew I'd be busy from

 the afternoon onwards saying goodbye to E and D, so I decided that I'd use the morning for the rest of my impromptu date. I got up early and headed over to Sinchon to eat at a restaurant I'd read some reviews on. When I arrived (it was a little after 11, I think), I made my way downstairs and walked into Big Bread. I was the only customer. It freaked me out enough that I seriously considered turning around and finding a coffee shop. Whilst eating alone is not so intimidating any more, eating alone in a restaurant as the sole customer is. The restaurant was large enough to make me feel like an ant at a picnic. Consequently, although I was ready to eat after two minutes of perusing the menu, I was hesitant to press the bell to call the waitress. Instead I waited until I could wave her over. Whilst, I do think the bell is a wonderful invention, there is something very demanding about using it when you are the only one there!

(City hall, exit  2)

 A veggie sandwich and a cup of tea later, I decided to head to Deoksugung and attend the exhibition of Masterpieces of Modern Korean Painting.  My favourites were A deep valley by Noh Soohyeon, Autumn by Kim Kichang, The gate of youth by Chun Kyungju and Han Mook's Spiral Blue. This exhibition was quite busy as many families and couples were taking the Saturday morning to view the exhibit. I love taking my time at museums so I found the pace a little off-putting and I got quite a few stares when I lingered overly long at the above paintings. As this museum is in the grounds of the palace and the weather was delightful, I spent about another 30-40 minutes wandering around the palace grounds afterwards. I have visited this palace many times, though, so after a while, I decided to make my way back to my hostel and friends with a stop off for hot chocolate and cake. 

Cocobruni Earl Grey Cake

So, you might think I'm mad to have gone to an exhibit at a busy time considering I prefer my art and history in moments of quiet. Seriously, though had I known how busy it was going to be, I probably wouldn't have gone and I would have, possibly, missed out on a really nice exhibit. You might think I'm mad to go to the cinema by myself. This one I can totally understand and I even agree with! When I told some friends of my adventure, most of the girls told me they'd never done it either. Despite the fact that you sit in a dark room to watch a flickering screen, going to the cinema is such a social event. It wasn't easy for me to go up and order that ticket or to walk in alone. Luckily, once those lights go down everyone is concentrating on the screen and no one is even thinking about you.  So next time your want to see a movie that causes your boyfriend/girlfriend to roll his/her eyes in despair, remember you can take head on out with a big bag of popcorn and enjoy the movie without him/her!

PS This post was inspired by my second impromptu date and P!nk's song " Let's get this party started!"

With CG & D at Thursday Party

With CG & E at Thursday Party

PPS A huge shout-out to my friends E and; D - they are the people I visited Seoul so often for in the last 1.75 years and I will miss them terribly. E especially has been so kind, and I am so grateful to my brother for sharing his friends with me. And to CG - I look forward to sharing many adventures with you over this next year!

Tell me why, I don't like [desk-warming]?

The textbook and teacher guide for 5th grade
and my trusty Essential TEFL

It's that time of the year, the dreaded desk-warming time of the year. School is out, camps are over but your job is not done. What seems like a pointless exercise is indeed upon us. You sit at your desk for around 1-2 weeks and try to find a way took busy. One of my friends, Chasing Glitter, posted a good amount of suggestions about what to do with this time for Reach to Teach. It got me thinking about why we have this time, what are supposed to do with it and how it is usually spent.

Firstly, this is not a blog post criticising anyone on how they spend their desk-warming. Goodness knows I haven't utilised my time very well in the past. This post is only to give you an insight into how I best believe I can make a difference in my time during desk-warming. You can choose to follow my new example or you can do whatever you want including what I used to do which was to spend a lot of time on Facebook, Imgur and Pottermore and watching  How I Met Your Mother. Whilst this latter suggestions sounds like an excellent idea right now, I don't believe it suffices for me. Firstly, I've seen all the episodes, sometimes several times, and I am completely caught up on nearly every single show I like. I suppose I could start a new one, but do you know just how addicted I am to TV as it is? I can't find room for a new series! In fact, the only reason I started watching Agents of Shield with any regularity is because HIMYM and Psych are coming to an end.

My first period of desk-warming was way back in August 2012. That was so long ago I can barely remember what I did. However, I also only had about 2-3 days and I spent the time I had working on blog posts, preparing what I could for my first week of classes the following semester and playing around on Facebook and catching up on the aforementioned TV show. A lot. I think that is also around the time I heard of Lamebook and I spent way more time on that site than I ever should have. My first winter was a long one and both before and after I went to Vietnam, I had way too much time to kill. That's also when I was introduced to Imgur and Pottermore. If you are a Harry Potter fan this last site is amazing, time consuming and way too preoccupying. I did spend some time preparing things but I wasn't really sure what my role was going to be and, in fact, two of the teachers changed their minds on how they wanted me to participate once I was actually in their classes. The little preparation I did didn't benefit me much! I also spent some time working on my blog. Which brings me to August 2013. I spent quite a bit of time on my blog, very little time on Pottermore and little to no time on any other sites that weren't school or blog related. I was a lot more prepared for my classes and it made a difference for me.

To that end, I am starting my desk-warming on Monday. What will desk-warming 2014 bring me? What changes to my lifestyle do I want to make and what can I do to improve my time? To begin, I spent quite a bit of time in between camp and classes (I am on double duty this week) reflecting on why we have this time. Yes, in many ways it is pointless - if I were able to be at home I could go to the bank, clean my house, catch up on laundry and maybe go on a visit to some interesting place in Korea. However, most schools require their teachers (English and homeroom teaches alike) to spend time in school. During this week, most homeroom teachers know where they will be assigned when school starts back up in March, so they will spend that time clearing out their old room and/or setting up their new room. Time will be spent on lesson planning, and if it the summer, evaluating the materials and lessons you have left for the remainder of the year. For us NETS, the time goes very slowly. A week spent at your desk and not teaching is interminable.

This time is, ostensibly, to prepare for your camps/future classes and if you are not renewing your contract preparing things for the incoming NET. However, there is only so much time you can spend on these things. They are times when you need a break. This is where I have had trouble in the past. Either the break from lesson/camp planning becomes the main focus or I just don't ever get really started on what I need to do. I've thought long and hard about how I want 2014 to pan out. I want to be in the TEFL game for a lot longer than I have been thus far. This means that not only do I need to "up my game", I also need to be on top of my game. I think upping your game is really important. Whether you are here for another month, six months or several years, why not up your game? It benefits everyone, especially you.

Whether you like teaching or not. you are here to do a job and I know, from personal experience, giving 100% is so satisfactory. Therefore, for 2014 here are the 5 things I want to accomplish during this years desk-warming:

1. Plan my afterschool lessons. For my phonics lessons prepare worksheets, games and ppts that can be used for any number of students. (1 hour per day)
2. Talk to the home-room teachers once I know what classes I will teach and plan my textbook lessons using original materials and adapting materials from Waygook.org (1 hour per day)
3. Book and start my final 20 hours of my i-to-i TEFL online course to boost me from 120 hours to 140 hours. (1 hour per day)
4. Start studying TEFL books for CELTA and/or TEFL Masters programs (1 hour per day)
5. Reorganise my class room. Plan boards for each season and boards with target language from text books or the TEE book (1 hour)

You might think I'm mad not "wanna shoo-oo-woo-woo-woo-oot the whole [desk-warming time] down". However, by just doing these things I will have used up 5 hours of my 8 hour day. For the rest of the time, I want to work on my blogs (this and my new cooking one), work on things for The Sejong Dish, read and do something fun. I don't know yet what the fun thing will be - maybe planning my trip to Taiwan? Either way, I refuse to let the grass grow under my feet this year! And, I'll still get some relaxation time.

PS Links to the above distracting websites were not included because if I had visited any of these sites this post would NOT be ready to be published before the end of March! However, please feel free to visit them yourself.
PPS This post was inspired by my own experiences, the article linked above (click on Reach to Teach) and the Boomtown Rats "I don't like Mondays".

It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap!

Imagine standing at the top of a hill. Excitement fills the air. A cacophony of sounds fill your ears. Fear fills your tummy: "What on earth have I done?" There you are standing at the top of a hill that suddenly seems a lot steeper than it initially looked (ok, Irish readers, it was twice the size of the hill in Griffith park. It's scarier than it sounds!) and sledding seems like a very bad idea.

This January, at the end of our week long English Camp (the theme was Around the World), we went to a nearby English Village. The highlight of this trip was sledding and I was super excited for it when my teacher told me about it. Although, I thought she said we were going "sleighing" and had an image of all of us in a sleigh with Santa going around the English Village much like how you see people go around Central Park in the movies (by the way, can any New Yorkers tell me if that does really happen?). I was a little shocked when I realised that it was actual sledding. However, I've been wanting to do a winter sport for ages and it just hasn't happened. So, after a cup of tea, and handing over my purse to my co-teacher, I headed up to join our students. I, luckily, bumped into one of them straight away and she took me under her wing. We got our sleds - they looked like inflatable rings that you use in the swimming pool but with a bottom that you sat on (when I sledded as a kid it was on a tray or plastic bag in the local park!) - and headed up a hill to join the other sledders. My students who spotted me were delighted that I was that brave to go up with them and the strangers who were there stared, pointed and chatted about me. Meanwhile, panic was starting to bubble up and I really wanted to turn around and run away: I was having images of breaking a leg or tumbling out of the sled and not being able to get on my plane home that evening. 

Then, a small hand tugged on mine and I looked down to see my student smiling and saying "Margaret Teacher - together." I was instantly grateful and I squashed down the fast building panic, rearranged myself so that I was holding on to her sled with one hand and she could do the same for me. A few seconds later the whistle blew and we were off.  I thought my heart would fall out of my mouth on a few occasions but it was so much fun. I did squeal but it wasn't from fear as much as exhilaration! I got up and, this time, I went with two of my students. 

One of the other teachers joined us on the next run but decided that hill was too tame for her. She wanted the higher one and encouraged me to join her. It wasn't until I was on top of that hill that I realised why the other one worked for me: Joining your students in going down a hill at lightning speeds is definitely easier - you can't show them your fear! However, on that second, higher hill, you could only go down alone. I still enjoyed it but I thought my heart would stop.

So, you might think I'm mad but that despite having a ton of fun, I've no desire to go back to that English Village, and in fact would strongly discourage others from going. The reason for this is (obviously) not the sledding but that I don't think that the program they run actually encourages students to learn English. The games they played (domino towers and musical chairs) don't practice any conversational English. Further, the market roleplay didn't teach target sentences that are appropriate to a class of mixed level learners (approx 30 kids from 1st to 4th grade). A higher level of English was required than I think should have been and all of our 1st and most of our 2nd graders were left floundering. They didn't make sure that all (or most) of the students knew the sentences before they started the roleplay and the general negativity energy coming from the facilitators was discouraging for me, my colleagues and our students.

Bad angle but these are the sledding hills!

However, leaving aside the dismal encouragement of English, this sledding, apart from my trip home, may have been the highlight of my winter. It was liberating, fun, and it showed me I could face my fears - even the little ones - I could make that "leap". So here is to 2014 and facing one's fears. No matter what they are, and how deep they are, let's try "defying gravity"! Except for snakes. That one is NEVER going to be faced. Uggggh.

PS This post was inspired by Wicked's  "Defying Gravity" and a wonderful few, bruising, hours of sledding!

So while I’m still healing

I'm not a huge New Year's Eve person. I don't remember the last time I truly enjoyed it in years. Ok, I do. It was my first year back in Ireland after college. My sister's friend MK came up for a visit and we stayed up watching Surviving Christmas and, I think, a Take That performance. We were dragged outside to greet the new year and then rushed back in for sausages and egg-flip. We stayed up late and, eventually, one-by-one crawled our way up the stairs and into bed. My younger brother and sister remained downstairs as they decided that they'd clean up so our Mam wouldn't have a heart attack first thing in the new year (yes, we were that messy). The next thing I knew my dad was shouting for us all to get up and come downstairs as there was a grand surprise in the kitchen. I remember grumbling and complaining that it was probably just one of the neighbours. I was so annoyed that my sleep had been disturbed (it was 9.am!!!) and so I reluctantly pulled on a jumper, scrambled for socks and shoes and made my way down stairs. A screech of excitement poured out of me and the rest of my siblings: My aunt from America was in town! She hadn't told my mam that she was coming and only the two dotes who had stayed up cleaning knew about it. We spent the day chatting, eating and, at some point, in Cineworld watching Happy Feet while my aunt passed out next to us. It was a marvellous  new year as was the one following that (wow,  this is not going well for my post about not liking New Year's!) as another aunt and a cousin visited us from America. My Aunt stayed with us on New Year's eve and we spent the evening drinking, singing, playing games and just having a good time. I think we all stayed up, parents and aunt included, until at least 2 or 3 in the morning.

Most of my New Year's Eves, however, have felt like a let down. There is this huge build up to what amounts to not very much. Maybe I'm a cynic and maybe I've been alone too long but I feel that, much like Valentine's day, New Year's is a couple's holiday and there is a stench of desperation in the air when you are single. "Oh, you're single? What are you going to do for Valentine's/New Year's?" "Oh, who are you going to kiss when it's midnight?" Seriously, who cares?  I'm fine with the fact that I am single and alone on New Year's. It honestly doesn't bother me very much. Do I wish I had someone? Of course, I do...but not for the sole express reason of New Year's Eve. I don't want someone just for one night. I want someone for a long time. Hopefully, someday, forever (the single, independent me got shivers typing that!).  I don't need anyone to make my life complete right now. I'm happy being me and living these experiences. Yes, I want other experiences like marriage, a husband and kids. But, I'm (mostly) ok with the fact that it hasn't happened yet.

There's a point to this story, dear readers, and to this rant, so please bear with me a little longer. Katetastic recently helped Swaglu plan a date for herself. Swaglu went on a date by herself with herself. My mind boggled. What the feck? Seriously? What.....?  However, the more I thought about it and started to reflect on my hang-ups and the things that bother me about dating, the more the idea appealed to me. For example, at the moment dating someone seems like a chore - I don't want to have to consider anyone else in my plans. If I want to go up on a Saturday morning to Seoul, I don't want to feel that I have to invite someone else. I know I'll feel different about it when  I do have a boyfriend or husband but in the meantime, I don't think I'm ready for this step yet. I am having hard enough of a time trying to figure me out without adding someone else to the mix. On the other hand if someone were to ask me out, I (probably) wouldn't say no.

Breakfast and a book

To that end, Swaglu's date with herself inspired me. The weekend that I celebrated my birthday, I decided I wanted to go on a date with myself. I didn't know exactly what to do so I researched.
 I knew it should be something that I wanted to do so I decide to do some reading, eating, writing and cooking. I also wanted to factor in some reflection time and some fresh air. It's getting to be time to decide on whether or not I will stay in Korea, and, unlike last year, I have no real clue as to what I want to do. Taking myself on a date sounded like a good option. I decided that I would get up early so I could enjoy as much of the day as possible and I would dress up using mascara, jewelry and heeled boots. And, unlike normal I decided that I wouldn't plan too much. I had vague ideas of what I wanted to accomplish and the only solid thing I had decided on was that I would read Waris Dirie's Desert Flower.

On New Year's Eve, some friends and I had arranged to go to Noraebang (singing room) and whilst waiting for everyone to be free, I decided to take my book and read at the local coffee shop. Shortly after sitting down, I decided I wanted to start my date early and had started to text my friend to tell her. Before I could send the text she walked in, dressed all sparkly and ready to sing. And it hit me. Yes, my date is all about me. And despite having the voice of a crow, I love to sing. So off we went for a fun time! Sometime around 1, after a tipsy call home to say "Happy New Year", I flopped into bed. 

When morning arrived, I got up around 9.20 and began what would end up being the most relaxing day I ever remember having. I'm one of those people who usually needs about 50 alarms to wake up every morning. I set one and I paid attention to it. I spent my day reading and eating, walking and thinking. It was a perfect day for a winter date. The sky was fairly clear and, instead of bitter cold, the air was quite warm and pleasant. While I did things that I enjoy - walking in the sunshine, drinking tea and reading.  I also did something that challenged me: I ate alone in a restaurant and I enjoyed it. There is something about coffee shops and eating a muffin alone that are just fun but eating in a restaurant alone unnerves me. I've done it plenty of times, but always involuntarily. It's just one of those things that I don't like to do. So when I planned my date, I decided that I was going to enjoy a meal by myself in a public setting. 

The Memorial park I walked to

Nom Nom Nom

I picked one of my favourite restaurants here in Korea, Mt Fishtail in Cheonan, which has delicious Indian food and I set off. I arrived and was seated in a both next to 4 men. A little unnerved at the idea of facing them the whole time, I sat with my back facing them and had a great time. I spent some time thinking of what I want from life. I then read a book on my phone because I had accidentally left my second book for the day laying on my bed. I took a long time to eat - over an hour  -and I just enjoyed the time that I had.

Tea time!

Afterwards, I decided to go for a walk around the town thinking that I could tackle a second thing that I don't like doing by myself: going to the cinema. As I made my way up the several escalators, I was giving myself several mental claps on the back for being brave. And then, I go upstairs. The Hobbit wasn't on, and since I truly wasn't really enamoured with the idea of going to the cinema by myself, I decided it was time for home. Although, had The Hobbit been on, I think I could have done it and enjoyed it! Unfortunately getting out of the cinema proved difficult as I spent 15-20 minutes wandering around trying to find the exit. I even took a lift (elevator), which is not something I embark on lightly, to the 1st floor only to have to go down tons of escalators because I somehow managed to get up 5 floors ABOVE where I had been. Eventually, I found the exit and proceed home for more tea and relaxation.

You might think I'm mad to go on a date with myself. You might think I'm mad to be scared of eating alone and of elevators. Well, let's address elevators first - I've been stuck twice in them and had to be let out both times. So that is a reasonable fear. I have been in them plenty of times but I don't like being in them. Regarding the eating alone. I personally think it's ironic that for someone who enjoys food as much as I do that I don't like this activity but then I think of what a meal means to me: It means sitting around the table with my family, people jostling for the best seats and the biggest plate. It means conversations and laughter, ribbing and memories. However, as I discovered on New Year's day - eating alone has value too. I just need to channel my alone-ness better. As for dating myself, it isn't because I don't want to date someone in reality, it's because I need to get to know me better. I need to look at what changes and challenges I want to face in my life. There are things that have been on my list for years like eating alone and going to the cinema by myself that I have never gotten around too.

I have decided that I am going to commit to 11 more dates this year and for each of them I am going to do something that challenges me. February's date will be about going to the cinema alone. I don't know what the rest will be yet, but I hope that this challenge/resolution has a lot of value for me as a person who wants to grow and be the best version of herself that she can be. For someone who wants to get married and have a family someday, that I can be ready for the things that will scare me then. Like getting married and having children. When I was younger I was fearless but somewhere between the last year of college and now, I lost my courage and my freedom. I became shy and scared. It doesn't matter why it happened, it matters that it did and the only way I can get some of my freedom back is to challenge myself. So while I am challenging myself to find some healing and courage, "just try and have a little patience".

PS. This post was inspired by my New Year's day, some great memories and some great people. It was also inspired by Take That's "Patience".

PPS. Thank you to Rucy for recommending the perfect book to get me to look at my life from a different perspective. I highly recommend everyone reads Desert Flower, especially if you are interested in the topic of FGM.

I hope I can make it feel like Christmas

My Christmas tree on Christmas Eve

Mince meat (non-alcholic and alcoholic)

It's hard to believe but over a year ago I began this blog. What's even harder to believe is that this blog is STILL in existence and has not diminshed to the sidelines like so many other literary efforts. What is even more surprising? I have found out that I actually like to write!

So much has happened in the last year. I could not have foreseen where 2012 was going to take me - I was too focused on the fact that I had just turned 29 and needed to make some sort of change in my life before I hit 30. I'm glad that I set this challenge for myself as turning 29 was one of the best things to have ever happened to me.

When I started this blog, I hadn't yet received my TEFL Qualification. Look at me now! Living and working here, friends from all over the world and a job I thoroughly enjoy. However, I am someone who very easily gets stuck in a rut. I don't always realise that I am stuck until something makes me open my eyes and ears. For example, for years my family had told me that they thought I was stuck in a rut in my old job. Not because I wasn't challenged there or because I wasn't enjoying myself, but because I had opted for security and stability instead of the adventures and dreams I once craved. Although I heard their words, I wasn't able to process them until the right moment, when I climbed out of the rut and back on the road. I don't like ruts...but unfortunately, they seem to like me!  Last year, I talked about how I wasn't doing any resolutions - well the reason being is because resolutions tend to become my ruts...and not in a good way. I fail in them too often and can't seem to become resolute again. Last year I set myself goals. This year, I plan on setting habits. Why?

Well, because I have family and friends who make it seem like Christmas even when [I] go wrong. They forgive and move on. They deserve a version of me who tries harder and does better. I have a nephew who is the light of my life. He may not have been in it for very long but he has made such a brilliant impression on it. I want him to know me at my best. It's because of him that I am in Korea. Not because I am at my best when I am nowhere near him, but because I can only be at my best if I begin to “live”. By staying in Ireland, in my old job, close to my family I was getting stuck in a rut and I couldn’t figure a way out. My nephew gave me the passport to live as I couldn’t (and can’t) bear the thought of letting him down. I want him to know me as someone who doesn’t let fear stand in the way of her dreams. I want him to know me as someone who is fun to be around. I want him to know me as someone who will love him and everyone around her with all that she has. I want him to know me as someone who is courageous, someone who dreams and someone who can rise to and succeed in any challenge that life sets her. In regards to my past, I have failed in this – all of this on so many occasions. Not because I don’t love my family or friends but because I hadn’t figured out how to make them “feel like Christmas even when things went wrong”. They (and my nephew) do this constantly for me but until I realized that I wasn’t doing it for them, I couldn’t achieve my own dreams. They deserve better than what I have given them these last 30 years. They have given me Christmas all year long and instead – I gave them winter far too often. So this year, you might think I’m mad, but I am going to strive to bring Christmas all year long. I don’t know yet, how I can achieve that but one thing is for sure – I need to start making the little things habits – habits for me to improve me and habits for me to improve the world. I need to start with myself – so here is my first attempt at starting a good habit and breaking one bad one: I am going to walk rain, snow, ice or shine for 10 minutes everyday once I am home from work. These 10 minutes can not form part of my current schedule (ie walking from the bus stop home). The bad habit I want to break: Being comfortable.
You might think I am mad to want to be uncomfortable – however that is not quite what I mean. What I mean is, I have become too comfortable in my life in Korea and me being comfortable equates to me slowly falling into a rut. So my life needs some shaking up. I am not sure how to shake it up but over the next months I want to try and do something different once a week – something I haven’t done before – whether it is to try some raw fish or yoga…I want to break my habit of being too comfortable in my laziness.

On a sidenote, people who make it feel like Christmas even when things go wrong: Well, nothing went wrong this Christmas – yes, I missed my family terribly. Yes, I wanted to be home. Yes, Korea doesn’t feel much like Christmas but the people who are here did. I have friends who are not even Christian, let alone Catholic, and they went above and beyond to make this Christmas special. My own family, despite the distance and time-zone differences, made this Christmas additionally special as I got to participate in our family’s traditional Kris Kindle and was able to open my present with the rest of them on my Christmas morning and their Christmas Eve. A friend, her brother and I went to Christmas mass in the white falling snow. A small group of us did our own Kris Kindle exchange and brunch in the morning and the evening brought together a group of 23. The people I have as friends here made me realize that even when things don’t go the way you want them to, you can still have Christmas! So here’s to great friends, amazing family and what are, hopefully, unbreakable good habits!  Bring it on 2013!

PS Inspired by Neil Diamond's "You make it feel like Christmas".

Not [just] another negotiation.

Happy New Year. After fireworks, countdowns and popping champagne, what comes to mind when you think of New Years?

For me, its that dreaded time of RESOLUTIONS. Every year I make them – exercise more, eat more healthily, keep in better contact with my friends, especially those from college. Every year by the time week 1 is over, I have started to negotiate with myself on how I can compromise on my resolutions: “Humm, I had that jambon at breakfast, I shouldn't eat that cake” - 2 seconds later.. “Oh but its CHOCOLATE!” and within 5 minutes I have scoffed the lot and convinced my guilty conscience that I will start afresh tomorrow. Sometimes I do and I stick to it. However, more often than not by the time January is over, I've run out of patience negotiating with myself and have completely talked myself out of whatever I have resolved upon whether its to not eat that piece of chocolate cake or to actually write to my friends instead of trawling through all their photos on Facebook.

So the moral of the story (or in this case, blog) is that this year I made NO resolutions for 2012. None. Nada. Zilch. It feels soooo good. Its not that I don't want to lose weight, or wish I exercised more and kept in better contact, I do and I would love to actually do these things...but if I decide in January that I WILL do that all year, I know I will just fall down and once I do I find it very hard to get back on track. My mom keeps telling me that is the point of resolutions, that you fall but then you pick yourself back up – kind of like the windy, narrow, dangerous cliff-edged path that is the path of Right - you might stumble over the cliff, but there is always a little path hidden away to bring you up again (of course, you have to find it first :P )

Considering my track record, you might think I'm mad but I have set myself 2 targets for the month of January (and the month of January only!):

• Complete my TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) Certificate. I have completed about 60 hours already (it took me 3 months) and I have around 60 hours to go. I will give you more updates on the reasons why I am doing TEFL at a later stage – so bear with me.
  
  
• Walk 20-30 minutes every day even if it is lashing rain or extremely icy. So far – this one is going well too. I am proud that I have managed to stick to this so far, even though its only been a few days.

Something else that I am going to work on is to complete a diary for what I eat/drink. This was given to me by my sister and brother-in-law and has yet to be completed. As I said before I can talk myself out of anything! Maybe this can be February's goal!

And so the journey begins....

PS The title was inspired by the song “A way back into Love”

There's some change coming in...

There comes a time in everyone's life where you realise that you've let your life slip away without you ever really noticing it. For me, this has been a slow realisation over the last year or so, and more particuarly over the last few months.

One of my sisters' motto in life is “Live, laugh, love” and for years she has been telling me that I need to “TO LIVE”. You can tell by the way she says it, she's saying it in the biggest capitals that there are in the world! After many years of avoiding the issue, I've decided to finally take her advice. Over the coming months, I want to prove to myself, my family and my friends that I can LIVE, take risks and challenge myself. This blog will hopefully be my commitment to myself that if I put my mind, heart and soul to this challenge, I can LIVE.

The idea for this blog came from a book called “It Started with a Kiss” by Miranda Dickinson that I got as a gift from my aunt and uncle. Whilst the main reason for the protaganist to start a blog is because she is trying to find the man who kissed her (and, people, this is NOT my reason! ), the secondary reason was that she is turning 29 and in the last year of her 20s. THIS is my reason.

I turned 29 today, 28^th December. As everyone knows life throws some knocks along the way – these do make you stronger if you face up to them but as, those who know me well know, I tend to let them take over! Over the last year I have started to tackle them head on and as a result, you may think I'm mad but because of this journey I have realised that I've let my life slip away for tooooooooo long. It is time for CHANGE.

Welcome to my journey!

PS..The title was inspired by the song "There's a coach coming in..."