If you fall, dust it off

October 13, 2014

In January when I went on this epic date, I promised myself 11 dates this year. As you may have noticed, I've only had two others: One in March that included a date at the cinema and one small one in my town in May. I wish I had a valid excuse for not having any since then but I don't. To be honest, I've been busy living my everyday life and trying to stay ahead of the game for my classes. Also, I just forgot. I did think of doing one when  I was home in August but despite half my family not knowing that I was coming I ended up being busy nearly every single day (more on that and Japan later!). Well, this last week, Wednesday and Thursday in fact, I finally took some time for myself. It was so hard to do so this time, too! I made my decision on Monday that I'd have the date starting with my Yoga class on Wednesday and I'd continue until 5pm or so on Thursday as it was a day off. While this was a sound plan the amount of invites to hang out with friends was sorely tempting especially as they were going to the pub, on hikes and to see baseball games (which seemingly is quite a treat here!). Instead, I somehow resisted. It must have been my amazing willpower and the bottle of wine in my fridge because I don't know how I managed that!

So it started with Yoga under the tunnel at the lake park with a very beautiful Lunar Eclipse in the background. After buying some essentials in the local mart, I poured myself a nice large glass of wine and made dinner. I decided to do a cozy night in watching a movie. I really wanted to watch something with a Hallowe'en theme but I'm already committed to watching Hocus Pocus with some friends and netflix didn't have Hallowe'en town. So, instead, I settled down with a warm quinoa salad, some more wine and the hilarity that is Overboard. Seriously, if you haven't seen this Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn movie, stop what you are doing right now and watch it!  Once the movie, a good chunk of ice-cream and about three biscuits were eaten, I headed to bed. I wanted to get up early-ish to go on a bike ride which was my challenge for this date.

Nina and I went for a cycle

A bike ride was my challenge? Well, yes! You see, I bought a bike from my friend, Liz, when she left Korea. I've had it out once on a Saturday and I was really, really wibbly-wobbly on it. I've avoided taking it out since then because I am so nervous. I don't know why it happened because when I was a kid I loved cycling and while I wasn't a wheelie person, I didn't have this weird fear of falling (which is a genuine fear as I've problems braking so when I need to stop I fall off. STOP LAUGHING NOW! I MEAN IT, STOP LAUGHING!). So, I got up, did my dishes and a load of laundry (I know these aren't things you do on a date but consider it my preparation for bringing myself home. Ok now, I sound weird!). So, off I went. I started off great. That is until I saw this couple coming towards me and behind them I could see another couple heading the same direction I was going in. The first couple were a piece of cake...obviously as they could see me and moved out of the way. So, I rang the bell, the grandmother looked back, saw me and moved out of the way whilst saying something to her husband, who instead of staying where he was, moved into my side of the trail. I rang the bell again, and once more they swapped places. At this stage I was almost upon them so I rang the bell again. They stopped moving and I braked so suddenly that I fell slightly before catching myself. My heart was pounding and I was trying not to be a complete eeijet in front of them. I failed miserably as the old lady kept asking me questions and the old man kept looking at me as if I were the biggest idiot he ever saw. After about 30 seconds to one minute of absolute panic, I managed to whimper out (in English). "I'm okay!" and hop back on the bike and cycle on for the rest of my journey (around 4.5k!). I met them on the way back but except for a slight nod of recognition no more encounters were had! PHEW! In other biking news - and this is a big one, guys, I managed to traverse the stiles in the middle of the biking path - even the ones that my brain tells me are too slim for a bike to get through! Making progress! 

A wee bit of make-up, heels and a dress, i look halfway decent!

I bought this present for myself - amazing scent!

So while this was not the most successful date of my life, at least I accomplished my goal to get back out there and get on my bike and I'm incredibly proud of myself for getting back on it despite that little incident with the old couple. The rest of the date was spent reading outside Plan B Coffee Shop and in the local gimbap restaurant. I read part of a Jeffrey Deaver and started and completed the amazing wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson which is a novel about a girl who is anorexic. I found it fascinating and a great insight into how someone with this disease behaves. As someone who loves food it is really hard for me to understand this perspective. But, as someone who loves food, it's also easy in some ways to realise how quickly it can become an obsession. I work really hard to be healthy and I'm constantly battling with myself to not eat that biscuit or to avoid the snack aisles in the supermarket because, boy, do I have a weakness. My weakness has not spilled into as disease as, even though I am overweight, I'm not morbidly so, thank God. But for me everytime I eat something I know I shouldn't I beat myself up about it. So, while I find it hard to understand basically starving yourself, I can sympathise with the sentiments behind it because we are constantly told how we need to look/should look/have to look. It's horrid and it's no wonder this disease is so prevalent especially amongst teenagers. 

Once I finished that book, I decided to take some time to reflect at home. I lay on my bed thinking about this issue and at some point I fell asleep. I woke up to find myself under the covers. I guess I was tired! So yes, not the most successful date!

However, I really enjoyed this date and it gave me a lot of food for thought: If  I want to reflect on the serious aspects of life, I can not do it lying down - I need to sit up and think on it properly; bike riding, whilst fun, needs to happen more often so that I can completely enjoy it; and wine, good food and a great rom-com should probably be watched at END of the date and not the beginning!

You might think I'm mad but I will try and complete the remaining 7 dates before the 1st of January. I'm not promising anything but I will TRY and do it! Again, I'd appreciate suggestions for ways to challenge myself. However, I have picked the next one - to go to a cafe/restaurant alone with no phone, no camera, no book, no notebook. Nothing to distract me but my thoughts!

PS the title of this post was inspired by my wee incident and Beyonce's "Just Stand Up"

Are you sleeping

And on to week three! Wow time flies!  I can't believe this is my third week on this exercise. As you will read below things weren't plain sailing this week:

Friday, July 11th: This was a fantastic evening! Katetastic and I finally had our mushroom and wine night. We ended up out at the local Ministop (which is a convenience store) with some other friends drinking more drinks. Then into the pub for even more in an evening that culminated in Tequila shots. All in all, a great evening. Friday = Success 

Monday, July 14th: I wanted to finish reading my Mistborn book (I was reading Well of Ascension), so I stopped at a local coffee shop, had an iced chocolate drink and read until dinner time when I joined Swaglu, Katetastic one of Swaglu's friends who is visiting from the USA. Afterwards, Katetastic and I sat on the park swings and chatted. As we sat there slowly but surely quite a bit of Jochiwon joined us. I ended up getting a tummy ache so around 9 or 9.30 I abandoned the gathering crowd and instead headed home to sleep. Monday = Success

Tuesday, July 15th: Well, what was a tummy ache has turned into something else and I was dying all day in work. A wee headache, scratchy throat, upset tummy. I got a lift as far as the Office of Education so as I walked home (around 15 minutes), I stopped and bought crispy chicken. I know it's not healthy but the idea or doing anything in front of the stove just about killed me. I got home, made some tortilla wraps with the chicken and some balsamic roasted tomatoes I'd made on Sunday night. It was easy and semi-healthy. Afterwards I  fell asleep for 1.5 hours and then prepared some games and worked on my camps. I did watch TV (or had it on in the background, rather) while doing my work.  Tuesday = Success? Well, only because I was sick.

Wednesday, July 16th:  Ugh. That's all I have to say, well not literally as you can tell by the following epistle. By the time 4.30pm rolled around all I wanted was my bed. My throat was really closed up and all I had eaten to that point was saltine crackers and Chilsung cider (like 7-up). I bought meds, orange juice and a nice big new bottle of water. When I got home I decided some wallowing was in order so I turned on the TV. While it turns out I hadn't been missing much (besides CSI Miami and the movie A.I. There wasn't much on for about 30 minutes and I hate CSI Miami) until Modern Family came on which I thoroughly enjoyed. Good news, I did do half my dishes and my 30 jumping jacks for a July Challenge I'm participating in. For dinner, I ate some fairly unhealthy wraps with the remaining crispy chicken and roasted tomatoes. At 7pm tired out by these really exhausting activities (this is supposed to drip with sarcasm but as this is the internet and I'm not a very sarcastic person, that intent might be lost in translation), I fell asleep and slept relatively soundly until around 6.45am on Thursday. Wednesday = Not a success

Thursday, July 17th:  I bought baguette and some ham, did the balsamic roasted tomatoes again and made a sandwich. I worked on my blogs, did the dishes and packed for the culture trip I was on for Friday and Saturday. And then...to bed. Oh yea, still sick!

Well, I may not have watched much TV but the week was a disaster - no personal growth at all and all projects went to hell.

Oh well, you might think I'm mad but I hope to remain encouraged for next week!

PS The title of this post was inspired by that French children's song that I learnt as a child "Frère Jacques"

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime

So, I've been bad lately! I've let other projects take over my personal writing. This would have been okay had it only lasted a couple of weeks but it's been much longer as you, dear readers, know.

So what is it that I've been up to that caused me to slack off on something I really love? Well, I started a new blog - a cooking one back in April. I actually started working on it in January but I wasn't really happy with it for a long while, hence the launch date of April! It's taken up a lot of my time - testing, re-testing, writing, editing, publishing. I really love it though as it balances two of my favourite things - cooking and writing. I've also been busy with the SejongDish where I write another cooking blog as well as restaurant reviews and answering FAQs. Between these two writing projects my personal blog has taken a backseat. However, this post is to tell you that I am changing that.

Even though I have a few posts in the making (the long promised part 2 of my Wand'rin' Star trilogy of photo posts, to name one), I haven't been able to finish them yet. They are mostlyphoto posts and, even though some of my photos are pure awful, it's really hard to pick the best ones to showcase my town and the different areas I've visited in Korea. I will get them done at some stage - but I hope I'm not still saying that this time next year!

Anyway, I digress, the reason for this post is to share with you some changes I am making in my life. I am overweight, I am lazy and I sometimes fail miserably at eating healthily. This laziness has taken over my life and despite the other projects detailed above, the main reason I haven't written is due to this actual and very real problem. So how am I trying to tackle that problem, well read on:

Since May, I've been making and bringing my own lunches to school three times a week. I've done pretty well on those and even on my laziest days (saltine crackers and whole cherrytomatoes), I still eat plenty of vegetables. However, I've a huge sweet tooth. I've always had one but it's gotten much worse in Korea, which is odd as we definitely have better chocolate at home! I tend to have a stack of candy for my students and I often find myself munching them. Lately, I've been actively trying to make sure I don't reach for that bag as I know when I do I won't just eat one. I sometimes forget and I've stuffed 10 Hershey Kisses down my throat before I've realised what happened but mostly, I do remember and put them back.

Another change I've made which is the main one I'm going to be sharing with you, is to try and watch less television. The television itself isn't the problem, the way I watch it is. Usually, as soon as I walk in the door, the tv goes on and I flop on the bed. After an hour or so I make dinner, maybe read or do some lesson planning but usually I go back to watching tv. And, then, I bemoan the fact that the day got away from me. Really? Really? Really? Where do I think it went? Humm in a cloud of smoke known as The Good Wife or some other drama (that TV show is my latest obsession). I've tried tackling it a few times this year but I never succeeded. Recently my friend, Jamie, posted this article on Facebook and it really made me reflect on my life and my habits. So many things I love doing have been sacrified for a TV show: Going on walks, cooking (less so because of my blog but until I was working on that this was definitely true), reading, writing, drawing, hanging out, and calling home to name but a few.

Since last Friday, I try to spend the first hour home, or after work, away from the TV and watching TV on my computer and being on Facebook/Gmail etc unless it's blog related. So let's see how I did, shall we:

Friday June 27th: Ate dinner with my friend Katetastic, delicious bibimbap and kimchi. I then headed up to my rooftop armed with a water bottle, sketchbook, pencil, eraser and parer. I was up there around 20 minutes when my friend, Jules, asked me to go on a walk. I'd a Skype date lined up with my Mam for her birthday in one hour from then, but a walk sounded divine, so off we went. Friday = Success!

Monday, June 30th: I had soaked some cashews the night before and whilst at work, so I threw some small potatoes into the oven to bake and proceeded to make cashew cheese. It took me nearly the whole hour to do so as I don't own a food processer, so I'd to mash them, then mash them through a strainer and then, finally, blend them with a stick blender. It was hard work but a lot of fun, and whilst the cheese was "lacking" something I'm excited to try it again. With the time I'd left, I ate my dinner and set up for tea night. The picture below is of my cashew cheese! Monday = Success.

Tuesday, July 1st: I was really lucky today, I got out of school right on time, got a lift to the bus stop where I got a bus right away so it meant I was actually at home by 5.30. This NEVER happens for my Tuesday/Friday school, unlesss I get a (very rare) lift home. With all this extra time, I got so excited I bought an ice-cream (it was really hot) and turned my TV on as soon as I got home. I realised my mistake about 20 minutes in, turned it off, made dinner (potatoes and cashew cheese again) and then worked on 3 games for Wednesday classes to review in preparation for the exams next week. Tuesday = half Failure, half Success.

Wednesday, July 2nd: I went to Yoga after work at the Lake Park and then to eat dinner with my friend Annette (bibimbap is a necessity in my life!). I didn't actually walk in the door until after 8 (except to drop off my bags before dinner) so when I did get in, I did some dishes and turned on the TV. Wednesday = Success.

Thursday, July 3rd: I came home, realised that nearly everything in my fridge was expiring (and the spinach had expired) so cooked up an unsuccesful dish taste wise. While all the ingredients SHOULD have worked together they just didn't. Boo! In between cooking and chopping (remember I only have a one-ring stove), I cleaned my apartment in anticipation of Liz coming over to make some Nepalese Chiah (Nepalese tea). Thursday = Success.

So week 1 went well, didn't it? What I really liked was how much time an hour is. I don't think I realised how much time I have in an hour until I couldn't distract my self with TV. I have decided to try again this next week, starting with July 4th but leaving out the weekends. I liked being able to go up and draw, to get many things done all at the same time and to spend some valuable time experimenting in the kitchen. I really like the opportunities it affords.

What I didn't like was how easy it is to turn on the TV if the switches are already on. I didn't like having to clean but it IS practical to use the time. For next week, cooking included, I want to try and use this hour for projects like blogging, drawing, reading or for activities like meeting friends for tea, going for a walk, rather than any cleaning.

I don't think you will find me mad at all with this new opporunity. You only get one life to liveand we really shouldn't "blow" this one life. I can't stand, hand on heart,and not say that I am part of my problem. I need to seize the day and the responsibilty for how my actions affect my life. I figured the best way to do that is to share these little journeys with you. I want to do it for a month initially but hopefully for longer.

Until next time folks!

PS this post was inspired by Eminem's "One shot"

Do all those who lie here know why they died?

The white ribbons are in memory of those lost in the Sewol Ferry disaster, 16 April 2014

As I'm sure you are aware recently there was a ferry disaster in South Korea off the southern coast near Jindo. Many people lost their lives and many are still missing. A huge portion of those affected were students on a field trip. I'm not going to talk about the disaster itself as I believe that you can get way more informed news and opinions about it from the BBC or the Korean Herald.

However, what you may not be aware of is how much this disaster has affected daily life in Korea, especially for schools, students and teachers. Many schools, my own included, have cancelled events like Sports Day that traditionally occur on May 1st. Instead, the students will have classes as normal (for those wondering, it is also Workers Day so I am off). Additionally, many students were looking forward to field trips - some of which were overnight trips and these too have been called off for the foreseeable future. This is understandable, especially considering the huge amount of students who were lost. Parents must be so worried that something might happen to their children. Teachers are probably grateful that they will not be responsible for their students lives so near to this accident. And students? Well, while most of my students know what has happened, I am sure they probably don't fully realise the extent to which this disaster is going to have on their lives: no trips for the foreseeable future, but also in the long run a lot more care and watchful eyes will be on them than was in the past. As Korea reels in grief over this disaster, events that Koreans and expats alike have been looking forward to have been cancelled as joyous festivals, concerts etc are considered insensitive to those who lost their lives and their families. Even events like the lantern festival to celebrate Buddha's birthday have become more low key. 

I think that is the hardest thing about this disaster. It is awfully sad, just like the Malaysian Airlines disaster before it and all the other terrible things that happen in our world from tornados to bombs. Even though we want to mourn, and should mourn, life goes on: children are born, grandparents die, lovers are found and marriages collapse. Even in Korea. You might think I'm mad but I do think that in the midst of tragedy, here in Korea we may be forgetting life.  My students remind me of it though. As my co-teachers wear yellow ribbons in memory and many breaks are spent discussing it, my students giggle while playing bingo, laugh while trying to follow directions blindfolded and sing "Let it go" with all their hearts. 

This disaster will hopefully lead Korea to a better future. A future where seat-belts are always functional and used in the back of the car ( oh, taxi-drivers of Jochiwon), where there are enough lifeboats on each ferry and basic safety is understood by most everyone. Much like when you fly, I really hope that on the ferries (ok I've never been on a ferry so if this already happens, my apologies) safety drills are completed when embarking and disembarking, where disaster drills are conducted regularly and everyone knows what they should do in the case of an emergency (I'm not saying people don't know this already but it is always best to be reiterated again and again). And a future where the captain always goes down with his ship. 

PS the title of this post is taken from the lyrics of the ballad "Young Willie McBride" also known as "The Green Fields of France".  As I read these lyrics, I thought that they were very poignant and relevant for this, and any, disaster where loss of life could have been avoided had the person in charge not been incompetent. 

PPS Whilst I never believe suicide is a good option, the heart breaking reason of the Vice Principal of Danwon High School is probably one of the most tear-jerking things I've ever read:

 "Surviving alone is too painful when 200 lives are unaccounted for... I take full responsibility."[105][116] The note ended with a request that his body be cremated and the ashes scattered over the site of the accident, "that I might be a teacher in heaven to those kids whose bodies have not been found." [117]   (source, Wikipedia)

Chip the glasses and crack the plates...that's what [Maggie] hates.

For the last few months the ice in my freezer has been building up and I have been steadfastly ignoring it because I really hate defrosting fridges. I know, technically, it's not hard work but it is time-consuming.
Anyway, after months of pretending the problem didn't exist, things came to a head last week when I realised that the inside of my fridge was starting to freeze too. So, with much reluctance I set aside Saturday morning for defrosting the freezer.

To be honest, it went great. I followed the steps on WikiHow and by 1.30 things were looking good. That is until, I was mopping up the floor where the water had run out the side of my fridge! Seriously! I still had a crap load of things on top of my fridge (you can see where this is going, can't you?) and as I shoved around the fridge to tackle the water, everything stayed in place. I was done and dusted and ready to plug in the fridge. So, I adjusted it to shove back into place when THUMP, SPLOT, CRACK. My jar of chickpeas smashed to the ground. It broke everywhere. Glass and chickpeas were mixed together and had flung themselves under my bed, across the kitchen and all around the fridge. I was so annoyed that I cried. I had to leave for a good-bye dinner with my friend at 2.45 and it was 2.15. I had planned to do the dishes, put out the laundry - and get dressed, in  those 30 minutes. Instead, I spent the time cleaning up my mess.

I wish I could say it stopped there but my bad luck continued. I got to the train station and realised my boot had something in it, and worried it might be a piece of glass, I took it off, shook it out but found nothing. So, tying them tight, I got on the train and made my merry way to Seo-Daejeon. Now, between Seo-Daejeon train and subway station there is about a 10-15 minute walk. I had only gone about 2 minutes when I realised the back of my foot was in pain. I decided to ignore it until I got to the subway station but, literally 1 minute from there, I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled off my boot, pulled up my jeans and realised that there was blood on the back of my foot. I checked my boots and sure enough there was a little round spot of blood. Something rough was there and had been digging into me for the 25 minute train ride and 10 minute walk. I didn't know what to do and, not wanting to be late to meet my friend, I decided to suck it up. I put my foot back in the boot but didn't bother zipping it up and made my way to our meeting place.

Looking back I think I might be mad for having been so reckless as to carry on. However, when I got home that night the cut on my foot had scabbed over. I haven't worn the boots since though and before I do I'm going to carefully check that there is nothing dangerous in them. I didn't die but I don't recommend my course of action. Had I not been able to walk, I definitely would have gone to a hospital!

PS This post was inspired by a few disasters in an otherwise lovely weekend. Also, a huge goodbye to a good friend who has been an important part of the Tea Party and the Wine and Crafts Club. You are going to be missed, Addi!

PPS: The title of this post is from Tolkien's The Hobbit when the dwarves are raiding Bilbo's pantry. Speaking of the pantry: a huge thank you to all the people who kindly volunteered their freezers for my food! And a mega thank you to Annette for letting me use hers.

So while I’m still healing

I'm not a huge New Year's Eve person. I don't remember the last time I truly enjoyed it in years. Ok, I do. It was my first year back in Ireland after college. My sister's friend MK came up for a visit and we stayed up watching Surviving Christmas and, I think, a Take That performance. We were dragged outside to greet the new year and then rushed back in for sausages and egg-flip. We stayed up late and, eventually, one-by-one crawled our way up the stairs and into bed. My younger brother and sister remained downstairs as they decided that they'd clean up so our Mam wouldn't have a heart attack first thing in the new year (yes, we were that messy). The next thing I knew my dad was shouting for us all to get up and come downstairs as there was a grand surprise in the kitchen. I remember grumbling and complaining that it was probably just one of the neighbours. I was so annoyed that my sleep had been disturbed (it was 9.am!!!) and so I reluctantly pulled on a jumper, scrambled for socks and shoes and made my way down stairs. A screech of excitement poured out of me and the rest of my siblings: My aunt from America was in town! She hadn't told my mam that she was coming and only the two dotes who had stayed up cleaning knew about it. We spent the day chatting, eating and, at some point, in Cineworld watching Happy Feet while my aunt passed out next to us. It was a marvellous  new year as was the one following that (wow,  this is not going well for my post about not liking New Year's!) as another aunt and a cousin visited us from America. My Aunt stayed with us on New Year's eve and we spent the evening drinking, singing, playing games and just having a good time. I think we all stayed up, parents and aunt included, until at least 2 or 3 in the morning.

Most of my New Year's Eves, however, have felt like a let down. There is this huge build up to what amounts to not very much. Maybe I'm a cynic and maybe I've been alone too long but I feel that, much like Valentine's day, New Year's is a couple's holiday and there is a stench of desperation in the air when you are single. "Oh, you're single? What are you going to do for Valentine's/New Year's?" "Oh, who are you going to kiss when it's midnight?" Seriously, who cares?  I'm fine with the fact that I am single and alone on New Year's. It honestly doesn't bother me very much. Do I wish I had someone? Of course, I do...but not for the sole express reason of New Year's Eve. I don't want someone just for one night. I want someone for a long time. Hopefully, someday, forever (the single, independent me got shivers typing that!).  I don't need anyone to make my life complete right now. I'm happy being me and living these experiences. Yes, I want other experiences like marriage, a husband and kids. But, I'm (mostly) ok with the fact that it hasn't happened yet.

There's a point to this story, dear readers, and to this rant, so please bear with me a little longer. Katetastic recently helped Swaglu plan a date for herself. Swaglu went on a date by herself with herself. My mind boggled. What the feck? Seriously? What.....?  However, the more I thought about it and started to reflect on my hang-ups and the things that bother me about dating, the more the idea appealed to me. For example, at the moment dating someone seems like a chore - I don't want to have to consider anyone else in my plans. If I want to go up on a Saturday morning to Seoul, I don't want to feel that I have to invite someone else. I know I'll feel different about it when  I do have a boyfriend or husband but in the meantime, I don't think I'm ready for this step yet. I am having hard enough of a time trying to figure me out without adding someone else to the mix. On the other hand if someone were to ask me out, I (probably) wouldn't say no.

Breakfast and a book

To that end, Swaglu's date with herself inspired me. The weekend that I celebrated my birthday, I decided I wanted to go on a date with myself. I didn't know exactly what to do so I researched.
 I knew it should be something that I wanted to do so I decide to do some reading, eating, writing and cooking. I also wanted to factor in some reflection time and some fresh air. It's getting to be time to decide on whether or not I will stay in Korea, and, unlike last year, I have no real clue as to what I want to do. Taking myself on a date sounded like a good option. I decided that I would get up early so I could enjoy as much of the day as possible and I would dress up using mascara, jewelry and heeled boots. And, unlike normal I decided that I wouldn't plan too much. I had vague ideas of what I wanted to accomplish and the only solid thing I had decided on was that I would read Waris Dirie's Desert Flower.

On New Year's Eve, some friends and I had arranged to go to Noraebang (singing room) and whilst waiting for everyone to be free, I decided to take my book and read at the local coffee shop. Shortly after sitting down, I decided I wanted to start my date early and had started to text my friend to tell her. Before I could send the text she walked in, dressed all sparkly and ready to sing. And it hit me. Yes, my date is all about me. And despite having the voice of a crow, I love to sing. So off we went for a fun time! Sometime around 1, after a tipsy call home to say "Happy New Year", I flopped into bed. 

When morning arrived, I got up around 9.20 and began what would end up being the most relaxing day I ever remember having. I'm one of those people who usually needs about 50 alarms to wake up every morning. I set one and I paid attention to it. I spent my day reading and eating, walking and thinking. It was a perfect day for a winter date. The sky was fairly clear and, instead of bitter cold, the air was quite warm and pleasant. While I did things that I enjoy - walking in the sunshine, drinking tea and reading.  I also did something that challenged me: I ate alone in a restaurant and I enjoyed it. There is something about coffee shops and eating a muffin alone that are just fun but eating in a restaurant alone unnerves me. I've done it plenty of times, but always involuntarily. It's just one of those things that I don't like to do. So when I planned my date, I decided that I was going to enjoy a meal by myself in a public setting. 

The Memorial park I walked to

Nom Nom Nom

I picked one of my favourite restaurants here in Korea, Mt Fishtail in Cheonan, which has delicious Indian food and I set off. I arrived and was seated in a both next to 4 men. A little unnerved at the idea of facing them the whole time, I sat with my back facing them and had a great time. I spent some time thinking of what I want from life. I then read a book on my phone because I had accidentally left my second book for the day laying on my bed. I took a long time to eat - over an hour  -and I just enjoyed the time that I had.

Tea time!

Afterwards, I decided to go for a walk around the town thinking that I could tackle a second thing that I don't like doing by myself: going to the cinema. As I made my way up the several escalators, I was giving myself several mental claps on the back for being brave. And then, I go upstairs. The Hobbit wasn't on, and since I truly wasn't really enamoured with the idea of going to the cinema by myself, I decided it was time for home. Although, had The Hobbit been on, I think I could have done it and enjoyed it! Unfortunately getting out of the cinema proved difficult as I spent 15-20 minutes wandering around trying to find the exit. I even took a lift (elevator), which is not something I embark on lightly, to the 1st floor only to have to go down tons of escalators because I somehow managed to get up 5 floors ABOVE where I had been. Eventually, I found the exit and proceed home for more tea and relaxation.

You might think I'm mad to go on a date with myself. You might think I'm mad to be scared of eating alone and of elevators. Well, let's address elevators first - I've been stuck twice in them and had to be let out both times. So that is a reasonable fear. I have been in them plenty of times but I don't like being in them. Regarding the eating alone. I personally think it's ironic that for someone who enjoys food as much as I do that I don't like this activity but then I think of what a meal means to me: It means sitting around the table with my family, people jostling for the best seats and the biggest plate. It means conversations and laughter, ribbing and memories. However, as I discovered on New Year's day - eating alone has value too. I just need to channel my alone-ness better. As for dating myself, it isn't because I don't want to date someone in reality, it's because I need to get to know me better. I need to look at what changes and challenges I want to face in my life. There are things that have been on my list for years like eating alone and going to the cinema by myself that I have never gotten around too.

I have decided that I am going to commit to 11 more dates this year and for each of them I am going to do something that challenges me. February's date will be about going to the cinema alone. I don't know what the rest will be yet, but I hope that this challenge/resolution has a lot of value for me as a person who wants to grow and be the best version of herself that she can be. For someone who wants to get married and have a family someday, that I can be ready for the things that will scare me then. Like getting married and having children. When I was younger I was fearless but somewhere between the last year of college and now, I lost my courage and my freedom. I became shy and scared. It doesn't matter why it happened, it matters that it did and the only way I can get some of my freedom back is to challenge myself. So while I am challenging myself to find some healing and courage, "just try and have a little patience".

PS. This post was inspired by my New Year's day, some great memories and some great people. It was also inspired by Take That's "Patience".

PPS. Thank you to Rucy for recommending the perfect book to get me to look at my life from a different perspective. I highly recommend everyone reads Desert Flower, especially if you are interested in the topic of FGM.

All my memories gathered 'round [him]

As I may have mentioned before (here, here and here), my brother came to visit! It was wonderful having him here and I really didn't want him to leave!

Selfie in Changdeokgung Huwon, Seoul. The Secret Garden Palace 

He was a great house-guest: he killed a cockroach for me that was crawling on my wall. I'd had enough of them at that stage (a story for another day) and I begged him to get rid of it even though he was still sleeping and it was 6.30am! He also helped me to rearrange my apartment and to do a thorough cleaning out of my big suitcase full of winter clothes. Whenever I needed help with anything he was willing and ready. The only time he was intractable was when he was curled up in bed and ready to go to sleep!


From the minute he arrived it was mostly go-go-go. I had planned on going around Seoul with him the day he arrived but instead we headed to the train. He was exhausted from his trip but I insisted (like the good sister I am) that we should go for a walk.  I didn't let him rest at all those first few days, as the very next day after he arrived we headed back up to Seoul for the Halloween shenanigans and to do some touristy things. During his trip, he saw two palaces, Changgyeonggung and Changdeokgung, went to Insadong twice, partied in Hongdae, went to a lantern festival, visited both my schools (and went to four Halloween parties) and went to Gyeongju and Japan.

Palace time! The 3 pictures going clockwise from the top are from Changgyeong
and going anti-clockwise from the top are from Changdeok.
Top left - "Why do you need to take my photo, again?"

We were both really impressed with the palace at Changgyeongung and we were really lucky in the time that we went. We went fairly early on the Sunday morning after the Freak or Treat walk. When we arrived there were only a handful of people in the palace and we were able to take a leisurely stroll around the gardens. It was the first time for both of us so we were able to just drink in all the sights, colours and quiet. We sat for a while just chatting and catching up as the weather was beautiful and warm with a soft breeze. In contrast, Changdeokgung was much busier and much colder. We hadn't planned on going there as we were headed to Jongmyo Shrine. Unfortunately we'd have had a long wait for the tour and neither of us wanted to do an actual tour. When we got to Changdeokgung though, I blurted out that not only would we take the entrance tickets to the palace but also to Huwon (the secret garden) for a Japanese tour. Yep, I paid for a 90 minute tour in a language I don't remotely understand! The autumn colours were fantastic but I would not recommend joining a tour where you don't understand anything. Whilst it was nice for us to chat and hang out, it meant that we probably wasted 45 minutes of precious sightseeing time waiting around for the tour to move on.

Desserts, BBQ, Jeon, Bibimbap and Kimchi galore!

While he was here, we went on huge culinary adventures as I tried to expose him to as much Korean food culture as I could. From bibimbap to Korean BBQ, any culinary (vegetarian) delight I could present him with I did. It wasn't only the savoury things. Any sweet that I delight on, we got to eat! I have waited impatiently for this colder weather to eat Hotteok and Bungeoppang. Knowing that they aren't very healthy helped me to resist eating them until he arrived. And boy, when he did, we went to town! Several times we burned our tongues on Bungeoppang (similiar to Taiyaki in Japan) and delved into the delightful sweetness of ggul tteok and bingsu.

Street food in Jochiwon.

One the night he returned from a day trip to Gyeongju, I was talking to my sister and telling her that I didn't think my brother had done enough exploring in my town. She insisted that when I met him off the train that night we should go for a 30 minute walk. I am so glad that we did as she instructed because not only did we get to walk around and see Jochiwon but we also got to eat street food that was pastries! We wandered down a side street of the traditional market and there was still a vendor selling mandu (dumplings), deep fried battered pumpkin and these battered things that looked like courgettes. However, when we bit into them they were seaweed rolls filled with buckwheat noodles and vegetables. I was so excited because I've been wanting to eat down in the market for ages and to try more street food.

We had plenty to talk about and there was never a dull moment in the two weeks. I think that my favourite part of his visit was just having someone to come home to. It was the same when my cousin visited last year. My home never feels lonely when I am there alone but someone else's presence over an extended period of time, like a week or two, creates such an impact on your space. With him gone, I felt really lonely and really sad. I still do to be honest and even thinking about it makes me want to cry. You see, both he and my cousin are family. They don't just bring themselves to visit me. They bring a little bit of all the people I love most in the world with them. They bring shared experiences, shared memories and shared connections. They bring home. It's nearly a year since I felt homesick and right now I feel so incredibly homesick. Not for Ireland. I'm homesick for someone else to share my space and to make my house into a home.

So, you might think I'm mad to let my brother's visit affect me so much. You might think I'm mad to feel that over a two week period my brother could have made such an impact on my home. You might think I'm mad to have bawled in Seoul station for a good 25 minutes. Maybe it is silly but home is where the heart is and my heart is with my family. I loved having my brother here and I think that his visit has only strengthened our relationship and has allowed us to look at each other with new eyes and open hearts.

PS. Thank you Jody for visiting! I miss you tons!

PPS This post was inspired by a brilliant brother and John Denver's Take me home, Country Roads.

Then when [I was] touched

Well, this has been one heck of a week! Starting on Tuesday things got awkward. As a female TEFL teacher, especially one working with Kindergarten and 1st grade, you have to carefully watch your students. As most people in Korea have similar body shapes, ours are very interesting to little kids who already have tons of curiosity about everything. I was warned about being careful by my brother when I arrived and have managed to evade any awkwardness until this week. I had taught Kindergarten in the morning without incident but at lunch time was heading to the bathroom when I met a bunch of these students brushing their teeth. I stopped to say hello and unfortunately one little girl snuck by my defenses. She reached out and touched my chest! I had a little shock because I wasn't expecting it at all but I quickly remedied the situation by leaning down and wagging my finger as I said a firm "No". Sadly, this incident is something many female TEFL teachers in Korea have to be wary of when working with Kindergarten and 1st Grade students. Also, if you go to the Jimjabang (Korean Sauna) you have to keep your wits about you as I've had several friends and acquaintances who've had similiar incidents with the adjummas (old ladies)!

And the hits kept coming. Whilst (thankfully) no one else has done this to me, I have had a series of misadventures that would make anyone want to run screaming! The events of this week seem to prove that "every interaction starts a chain reaction". Whilst Tuesday was about touch, Wednesday was about "Grocery bags full of alcohol and chocolate chip cookies". A few friends and I were having a 4th of July party on Thursday. So on Wednesday I set out immediately after school to Home Plus. I got the right bus to drop me off there. Spent about about 15 minutes grabbing everything and feeling very chuffed, I proceeded to the checkout. As the bill rang up, I packed my bags up. When the cashier asked for "points card", I reached for my wallet and then stopped in dismay and embarrassment. I'd left my card at home. My check card. I had no cash except for the taxi fare home ... which is 3,000 won and that just might buy me a bag of potatoes but would then leave me fairly stranded. Apologising profusely, red in the face, I said "Sorry" about 30 times and proceeded to pass my groceries back to the cashier. I was too embarrassed to go back afterwards and instead did a little of my shopping in one of the local marts.

Thursday was a double whammy of trying "to catch my balance". I had no classes so I'd spent the morning preparing some texts for my students, playing on Facebook, and starting this blog post. Around 10am, I decided to pay my gas and electricity bills. I reached in and pulled out the bills and then started to look for my phone. It wasn't on my desk, it wasn't in my bag and it wasn't at any place I'd been at since arriving at school. On Thursday, some mothers come and quilt in my classroom and I  usually stay at my desk and prepare for my classes.  One of the mothers arrived early and helped me to look for my phone after some gesticulation from me explaining what happened. Eventually she decided we should call my phone. It was answered - by the bus driver. Eegit that I am, I'd left it on my seat. Panicking because I knew I not only had to go to Homeplus to do yesterdays shopping but also get home in time to cook for our party, I was feeling extremely foolish as I would now have another errand to, possibly, run. From what I understood the people would be dropping it to me but I wasn't sure. I told my co-teacher the situation and we agreed that in the afternoon we'd call and figure it out. Luckily for me, the kind mother dropped my phone to me in my afternoon class. My students got a good laugh out of happy I was to have my phone and I realised that thanks to the stupid "choice we make and every [stupid] road we take" I've been lucky to have kind and generous people in my life.

 The second disaster of Thursday was when I proceeded to HomePlus to buy the food for that evening. As before, I got my food, proceeded to the checkout, was rung up, packed my bags and, luckily, paid. I turned to leave and that's when disaster struck. Everything flopped out of my backpack onto the floor. I'd been so busy making sure that the avocados were zipped in to the small front pocket I'd forgotten about the big one. Needless to say, I don't think I will be going back to HomePlus for a while!

Yesterday, was my next misadventure. I had been teaching my advanced class at Charmsaem, which had gone really well but I was exhausted. My class finishes at noon and usually by around 1230 I am on my bus home. Every time, I fall asleep on the way home -it's a pleasant way to spend the next 30 minutes. Yesterday was no different. I fell asleep and I didn't pay any attention to where I was until I heard "Oh, Margaret-Teacher". Looking up I say about 10 of my students on the bus heading to a birthday party in Jochiwon. I was incredibly embarrassed as I was lolled back on the seat, mouth open, feet stretched out. They took it in their stride and eagerly peered over my shoulder in amazement at the fact I used English on my phone!

 So you might think I'm mad to laugh off this series of misadventures and even to share them with you. However, to me, it seems "I was supposed to fall" into this last week as it gives me a reminder I am too used to forgetting: Laugh at yourself and the world around you. Have fun in your life and don't be so serious all the time. Sometimes it seems you can't catch a break and all you are doing is making a fool of yourself. But, it's ok, because sometimes "it feels like the world disappears around us" in the mediocre everyday-ness of our lives. I think that mishaps and misadventures remind us to live and "party all night till the sun comes up" and that's when we know we can "dance, and we laugh and we touch" and appreciate the little moments that make you smile.

 PS This post was inspired by Nathasha Bedingfield's "Touch".

PPS Thank you to everyone who laughed with me at my mishaps this week and to those I shared them with as they happened. Muuuah.

PPPS This post is dedicated to all those who've had awkward touching incidents in the saunas or at school. I feel your pain!