And I'm a million different people from one day to the next

On the weekend of the 14th and 15th November,  most of the Waygook population of Jochiwon had disappeared to visit the DMZ on a culture trip. I wasn't able to join them as my second school needed me there. And, while, I'd have loved to have visited the DMZ, this weekend was a great one in terms of personal growth for me.  How so, you might ask? Well, I went on a date! With myself. I guess I should clarify that asap, just in case!

I started as soon as I got off the bus. I went to Misoya,which is a Japanese chain restaurant downtown,and had some sushi and read "The Runaway Jury" by John Grisham. Eventually, I made my way home where I ignored the chaos of my home and plopped on the bed with a large glass of wine and some biscuits to watch "The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug".  I should take this opportunity to announce I am a HUGE Tolkien fan. I have read "The Hobbit" probably  ten times and the LOTR at least as many times. I have also read "The Similarion", "The Children of Hurin" and  a very long time ago I also read "Unfinished Tales",  I think. It was a long time ago so I could be mistaken! I will also say that I did enjoy the LOTR movies. I felt Jackson, and the cast, captured how I viewed Middle-earth and, whilst there were flaws, overall it was a decent attempt. "The Hobbit" though, thoroughly frustrated me. I will still see the last movie but this is not "The Hobbit". I spent much of my time  seething at the changes and the total underuse of the the maginificent Martin Freeman and, indeed, the main character of the story: Bilbo Baggins. Further,  Beorn was the biggest feck up ever! He is nothing, visually like his literary counterpart, and his behaviour and character are incredibly different. He was one of the characters  I had been most looking forward to seeing realised on screen and I was incredibly disappointed. I really felt that I could handle the stupid love triangle they have going on but Beorn was an atrocity! 

Anyway, this post is not supposed to be a review of the movies but a story about my date so I will, with much reluctance, move on. In the morning I repaired to Plan B for Minty-Hot Chocolate loaded with cream and some honey bread. Similar to my first date, I dressed up in a nice dress, made my hair all pretty, slapped on some mascara and a pair of pretty earrings that I picked up in Vietnam. I continued reading Runaway Jury and I took the obligatory selfie at least five times. 

Down by the river, a moment of calm

The bridge my bus crosses Tue and Fri

Pathway and resting spot

Excavation site

This rooftop you could go on. Nice views!

Nasi Goreng

Around 1pm, I made my way to Sejong City as I decided on an exploration day. I've been putting it off for more than a year and I really wanted to see what my city had on offer. I mostly kept out doors, spending time at the river and walking on the hills behind the apartments and schools. On top of one hill was a small excavation site. You could also go and sit on the roof of building that the hill was adjacent to. That was really nice and quite relaxing. Around 4pm, I decided I was getting hungry as no lunch made for a starving Maggie. I pulled my coats, scarves and bags together and proceeded to make my way to Mekong Thai for Nasi Goreng, some Vietnamese Cha Gio and the "scary" goal of this date - to have a meal without my phone or book to assist me. 

Man, that was hard. I was trying to plan a discussion I was having with some friends the next day but my brain couldn't concentrate. It kept flicking about as the waiters, chefs and staff were at the table next to mine and kept staring over at me. Instead of concentrating on what I wanted to discuss, my brain kept saying things like "Oh, poor girl! No boyfriend" or "Does she have any friends?" I honestly have no idea how I survived and when I finally got my brain to concentrate it wanted to concentrate on NEXT year. Well, at least it helped me to come to a decision. A tough one but one that I had been debating for a while. As readers of this blog already know, I am leaving Korea at the end of this contract. Instead I will move home to Ireland to further my studies (hoping to do the CELTA) and prepare to go to Spain to complete the Camino. I also am going to do the Trans-Siberian Railway for two weeks. Well, at least that was the plan. My brain, once it calmed down, informed me that I would be jobless and I really couldn't condone going on that journey when I probably wouldn't be able to buy myself a cup of tea without borrowing money from my Mam. It was a really bitter truth pill for me to swallow. I really like gallivanting off and experiencing new and exciting things. And I love trains. My heart felt like it was broken but I realised, upon further reflection, it's not. I will get to do that amazing journey and I will be able to have that amazing adventure once I have another job and the Trans-Siberian Railway is going to be my first stop. 

When I left and made my way home to Jochiwon, an overwhelming sense of pride overcame me - I rarely feel like an adult. I tend to feel like an 18 year old trapped in the body of a 30+ year old trying to make adult decisions and being expected to make adult decisions that I don't really know are the right decisions. But on that day, I felt like an adult. I felt mature, responsible and incredibly proud of choosing to follow my brain and not my heart. Growing up is hard to do but knowing that I made a smart decision to postpone a dream until I am financially stable is as a huge achievement for me. 

The only thing that marred an otherwise lovely date was a guy that I met while waiting for the bus on the way to Mekong Thai. I wasn't sure of the time for the 620 and what the name of the stop would be to get for Mekong Thai so I was looking at the route for the bus when one of my fellow waiting passengers interrupted me to ask me where I was going. I told him the Lake Park and he didn't know where it was. I told him that was okay because I get this bus everyday, I just wasn't sure of the stop (I usually fall asleep the minute I get on the bus only waking when I reach my destination!). We got to talking and at first I thought he was a nice guy as he told me he was a student, living in Sejong and that his English was so good because he had lived in America as a child (disclaimer: he said that, not me...it wasn't as excellent as many other Koreans I've met) and that he was a pianist. I told him I love hearing the piano and then he abruptly changed topics to ask me if I'd ever been to America. I told him that I had and so he asked me if I was ever in Las Vegas. I told him no, only for him to inform me that Las Vegas is a very dangerous place. I told him I'd never heard that but assumed he was basing this on CSI (seriously, that show is on TV here all the time, it's a legitimate leap). He then informed me Las Vegas is dangerous because all the black people have guns. I couldn't believe my ears. My bus was pulling up as he made this outrageous sentiment and I quickly informed him as I got in line to board that I have many friends who are black and don't have guns. Of those friends, many frown on the overuse of guns in society as it is. He seemed taken aback and I would have liked to continue the discussion only he didn't get on the bus with me. I hope that I made someone realise that making idiotic statements that are not backed up by actual fact is a dumb thing to do especially when you do it to someone who knows more than you. Secondly, I really hope that I gave him pause and that he realises that make blanket assumptions that all black people are criminals is a stupid lie. I also hope that maybe he gets to meet some really great people of different races and backgrounds that challenge him to see the world through new perspectives and that someday he will challenge someone else's dangerous assumption.

So you might think I'm mad to have given up a bit of a dream in favour of financial stability but honestly, I really want to go for a cup of tea with my friends when I get home. I want to reconnect and be able to pay my own way to do so. I really miss them so putting off the Trans Siberian Railway, while difficult, is manageable on reflection. I feel like in one day I travelled so far that I a million times different than I was when I set out to Sejong. And that's a great feeling. 

*Sorry this is so late I have been sick since the 23 of November - cold after cold after cold so I've  been spending very little time doing anything but sleeping. I obviously never reached my date quota but that's okay there is always next year! I am planning one for Sunday, 4 Jan as I type! Until next time and a very Happy New Year to you all. 

PS The title of this post is taken from The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony".

If you fall, dust it off

October 13, 2014

In January when I went on this epic date, I promised myself 11 dates this year. As you may have noticed, I've only had two others: One in March that included a date at the cinema and one small one in my town in May. I wish I had a valid excuse for not having any since then but I don't. To be honest, I've been busy living my everyday life and trying to stay ahead of the game for my classes. Also, I just forgot. I did think of doing one when  I was home in August but despite half my family not knowing that I was coming I ended up being busy nearly every single day (more on that and Japan later!). Well, this last week, Wednesday and Thursday in fact, I finally took some time for myself. It was so hard to do so this time, too! I made my decision on Monday that I'd have the date starting with my Yoga class on Wednesday and I'd continue until 5pm or so on Thursday as it was a day off. While this was a sound plan the amount of invites to hang out with friends was sorely tempting especially as they were going to the pub, on hikes and to see baseball games (which seemingly is quite a treat here!). Instead, I somehow resisted. It must have been my amazing willpower and the bottle of wine in my fridge because I don't know how I managed that!

So it started with Yoga under the tunnel at the lake park with a very beautiful Lunar Eclipse in the background. After buying some essentials in the local mart, I poured myself a nice large glass of wine and made dinner. I decided to do a cozy night in watching a movie. I really wanted to watch something with a Hallowe'en theme but I'm already committed to watching Hocus Pocus with some friends and netflix didn't have Hallowe'en town. So, instead, I settled down with a warm quinoa salad, some more wine and the hilarity that is Overboard. Seriously, if you haven't seen this Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn movie, stop what you are doing right now and watch it!  Once the movie, a good chunk of ice-cream and about three biscuits were eaten, I headed to bed. I wanted to get up early-ish to go on a bike ride which was my challenge for this date.

Nina and I went for a cycle

A bike ride was my challenge? Well, yes! You see, I bought a bike from my friend, Liz, when she left Korea. I've had it out once on a Saturday and I was really, really wibbly-wobbly on it. I've avoided taking it out since then because I am so nervous. I don't know why it happened because when I was a kid I loved cycling and while I wasn't a wheelie person, I didn't have this weird fear of falling (which is a genuine fear as I've problems braking so when I need to stop I fall off. STOP LAUGHING NOW! I MEAN IT, STOP LAUGHING!). So, I got up, did my dishes and a load of laundry (I know these aren't things you do on a date but consider it my preparation for bringing myself home. Ok now, I sound weird!). So, off I went. I started off great. That is until I saw this couple coming towards me and behind them I could see another couple heading the same direction I was going in. The first couple were a piece of cake...obviously as they could see me and moved out of the way. So, I rang the bell, the grandmother looked back, saw me and moved out of the way whilst saying something to her husband, who instead of staying where he was, moved into my side of the trail. I rang the bell again, and once more they swapped places. At this stage I was almost upon them so I rang the bell again. They stopped moving and I braked so suddenly that I fell slightly before catching myself. My heart was pounding and I was trying not to be a complete eeijet in front of them. I failed miserably as the old lady kept asking me questions and the old man kept looking at me as if I were the biggest idiot he ever saw. After about 30 seconds to one minute of absolute panic, I managed to whimper out (in English). "I'm okay!" and hop back on the bike and cycle on for the rest of my journey (around 4.5k!). I met them on the way back but except for a slight nod of recognition no more encounters were had! PHEW! In other biking news - and this is a big one, guys, I managed to traverse the stiles in the middle of the biking path - even the ones that my brain tells me are too slim for a bike to get through! Making progress! 

A wee bit of make-up, heels and a dress, i look halfway decent!

I bought this present for myself - amazing scent!

So while this was not the most successful date of my life, at least I accomplished my goal to get back out there and get on my bike and I'm incredibly proud of myself for getting back on it despite that little incident with the old couple. The rest of the date was spent reading outside Plan B Coffee Shop and in the local gimbap restaurant. I read part of a Jeffrey Deaver and started and completed the amazing wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson which is a novel about a girl who is anorexic. I found it fascinating and a great insight into how someone with this disease behaves. As someone who loves food it is really hard for me to understand this perspective. But, as someone who loves food, it's also easy in some ways to realise how quickly it can become an obsession. I work really hard to be healthy and I'm constantly battling with myself to not eat that biscuit or to avoid the snack aisles in the supermarket because, boy, do I have a weakness. My weakness has not spilled into as disease as, even though I am overweight, I'm not morbidly so, thank God. But for me everytime I eat something I know I shouldn't I beat myself up about it. So, while I find it hard to understand basically starving yourself, I can sympathise with the sentiments behind it because we are constantly told how we need to look/should look/have to look. It's horrid and it's no wonder this disease is so prevalent especially amongst teenagers. 

Once I finished that book, I decided to take some time to reflect at home. I lay on my bed thinking about this issue and at some point I fell asleep. I woke up to find myself under the covers. I guess I was tired! So yes, not the most successful date!

However, I really enjoyed this date and it gave me a lot of food for thought: If  I want to reflect on the serious aspects of life, I can not do it lying down - I need to sit up and think on it properly; bike riding, whilst fun, needs to happen more often so that I can completely enjoy it; and wine, good food and a great rom-com should probably be watched at END of the date and not the beginning!

You might think I'm mad but I will try and complete the remaining 7 dates before the 1st of January. I'm not promising anything but I will TRY and do it! Again, I'd appreciate suggestions for ways to challenge myself. However, I have picked the next one - to go to a cafe/restaurant alone with no phone, no camera, no book, no notebook. Nothing to distract me but my thoughts!

PS the title of this post was inspired by my wee incident and Beyonce's "Just Stand Up"

Learning how to dance the rain.

A little late, but firstly: Happy 4th July to everyone! My Mam's American so we have sporadically celebrated over the years. I don't remember celebrating as much when we were younger but in recent years we'd at least have some cake! Since coming to Korea, my first 4th of July was negligible - I don't remember doing anything special. Last year my friend, Swaglu, hosted a lovely party with hot dogs, soju drinking games and plenty of chat! This year a few of us shared pizzas, fried chicken and pasta salad on the rooftop of Swaglu's building. It was low key but we did sing the national anthem and some crazy people said the Pledge of Allegiance to a flag cake.

So how did I do this week on having no TV during the first hour home? Well, I got lucky the first two days and the others, well judge for yourself:

Friday, July 4th: Came home, cleaned and then roasted tomatoes and sausages for a 4th July inspired dish, When I wasn't cleaning I just sat and breathed! It was a very busy but also relaxing hour. I then proceeded to eat eat pizza and crispy chicken with some friends until the late evening. Friday = Success.

Red, white and blue warm salad. My contribution for the Fourth of July. The recipe will be on my blog eventually!

Monday, July 7th: When I got home, I heated up some Sunday dinner leftovers (pot roast!) and started reading Joseph Conrad's The Secret Agent, which was a Christmas gift from my sister for Kriskindle. It's really interesting but after about 10 pages, exhaustion had set in and Ifell asleep for around an hour and a half. Told you I lucked out! Monday = Lucky Success.

It's more than it looks like! That's part of what I feed my co-teachers! I just had the tiniest amount of that for dinner the next day!

The wee glimpse!

Tuesday, July 8th: When I got back to Jochiwon I went in search of some cardamom to make spiced tea. Sadly, Asia Mart didn't have any. So, instead I drowned (ate?) my sorrows with Katetastic at Misoya eating delicious food. When I got home I spent 30 or so minutes working on a drawing on the rooftop. It then started to rain so I went downstairs to finish it off. At the moment the drawing is a secret gift for someone special so I can't show you all of if, but here is a wee glimpse to the right: 

I then was overcome by exhaustion (see below as to why) that I went straight to sleep. I didn't even put on pj's, I just opened the windows and turned on the fan. (Note, in the morning I woke up shivering and discovered I was so cold because I forgot to turn off the a/c! Agghhh dreading that electricity bill!). Tuesday = Success.

Wednesday, July 9th: I was actually really good and got off near the Sejong Office of Education and walked home. It was really muggy and by the time I got to the lovely Liz's place to borrow some cardamom in exchange for some tea (it's that good, peeps, check out the recipe here), I was hot, sweaty and gross. When I got home, I stopped in to buy water and got an ice-cream. Man, was it delicious. I sat outside cooling off in front of my apartment and when I was ready, I went upstairs. I then made the tea and sorted some laundry to wash. I have run out of summer clothes so it was in dire need of being done! Have I mentioned before how much I HATE laundry? If not, well, now you know! While the laundry was washing, I ate chia pudding and a couple of bananas for dinner, worked on a new post for The Sejong Dish and did photo editing for this post and my post on my cooking blog. Wooo! Productive! And after that followed it up with Book Club (my choice - Waris Dirie) and a very important chat with my sister and niece (ok her chats were all giggles and coos, but still really important!). In the end only 20 minutes of TV watching - thankfully I'd already seen the episode of Criminal Minds and the hotness of Jonathan Rhys Meyers aside The Tudors isn't up my alley. Wednesday = Success.

Thursday, July 10th: 

Baduk - a traditional game

Another busy day! As Katetastic and I are are making stuffed mushrooms anddrinking wine tomorrow, I'd to go to Homeplus on the way home for the ingredients. After dropping my things off, I went to Plan B to play Baduk with another friend who is teaching me the game. That was followed up by a Fried Chicken dinner for our Chicken Strutposts on the Sejong Dish. When I got home I baked some brownies for my students and tidied my house, so there was no TV at all. Oh, the brownies? Yeah. Forgot I didn't need to preheat the oven as it's just a toaster one - they were burned and tasted more like a (dried-out) cookie. We'll still eat it! Thursday = Success.

So you might think I'm mad to have let naps become part of my hour but as the weather gets more humid I'm having a much harder time sleeping. This, coupled with nightmares and already terrible sleeping habits, has kept me fairly sleepless over the last couple of weeks. Nightmares? Yes, here I am a mature 31 year old having nightmares! What about? Being late for school, realising that I am then in the wrong school with the wrong lessons planned and having brought the wrong books. It's awful. It's been happening every night for the last week. It also panics me into waking early and then not being able to fall back asleep. Gah!

I have to say, sleep aside, I am really enjoying this exercise in self-control and the eclectic tasks are keeping me entertained! I may not be "learning how to dance the rain" but I am definitely learning how to live life a little more fully. I guess in a way these hours are starting to become the my "mini-dates" which is good because I am no way near to making 12 dates with my self this year! I've only had two more since that first one!

This post is inspired by Take That's "The Flood" (featuring Robbie Williams) and my efforts to have less TV in my life.

So come on, see the light on your face

My curb - the arrow indicates "my spot" - Image taken from Google Maps

When I lived in Nebraska, one of my favourite activities was to sit outside on my aunt's porch in the morning, having breakfast, reading and soaking in the rays. I've spent entire days on that porch chatting, drinking and eating. It's wonderful and relaxing. When I moved home, I decided (weather permitting) to use the curb in the cul-de-sac beside my parents' house as my  "porch," for the occasional breakfast under the sun. The apartment I lived in, out in Swords, had a balcony and the house on Dorset Street a concrete garden, which were slightly more adequate substitutes for that porch. Living in Korea, however, has meant letting that slide. My apartment doesn't have a balcony and the curb is far too dangerous. Luckily, I live around the corner from a wee park with a playground and some benches. On one quiet Thursday it provided me with an opportunity to have a mini date with myself.

Originally, I'd wanted to do something to challenge myself each date. While I still want to do this, sometimes time and opportunity don't come knocking at the same time. I'd wanted to have my "date" on Tuesday May 6th as I was off for the long weekend and I figured it would be a nice way to round out  what promised to be an action packed weekend (more on that later). However, I found out on April 30th that I'd be off on May 1st. So, impromptu date it was! 

The night before was Wine and Crafts  night at BexC's where Katetastic and I stayed a really long time chatting with our hostess well after the time-frame for the event. It was a wonderful evening filled with laughter, wine and BRD chicken. Tipsiness definitely kicked in at some point as I devoured the chicken as if I'd never had it before. However, due to the night's activities, the morning didn't get off on as promising a start as I'd have liked as it was nearer 10.30 before I could drag myself from bed. 

After a long shower, I made myself a nice strong cup of tea, grabbed my book (I'm doing some self study at the moment) and a banana and headed across the street. In the 30 seconds it takes to get there the amount of looks I got was a little hilarious. One man, who was propped up on his motorbike, dropped his feet to the ground on seeing me trying to not spill my tea everywhere. Even after 10 minutes of sitting and reading he was still staring! The day was gorgeous with the sun spilling down and a gentle breeze balancing out the heat of the sun. 

I love tea...I especially love tea in my new mug!

After finishing my book I headed back inside for a while. As I mentioned above, this was a mini date, so I split the rest of my day between cleaning (boring) and working on my blogs (date time!). Photo editing takes time, a lot more than I realised and even after a good two hours at it, I still hadn't made as much headway as I wanted (I have an upcoming photo post that I am working on). Eventually, I gave up the ghost that was my date (and my blog post) and decided to prepare for my Baduk lesson (it's a board game). Unfortunately it wasn't to be as my co-teacher needed me to sign the form stating my intent to stay another year. She wasn't able to come until nearer 5.30 and we chatted for more than an hour. 

So you might think I'm mad to have tried to cram a date in on such short notice and to have sacrificed my goal to challenge myself for some time to edit photos. I'll be honest I had no idea what my challenge would be for this month.... I was going to wing it. And while I wish I had had a stronger plan, the day I had was really nice and relaxing - which really is what a date should be about, right?  You might think I'm mad to share such a boring date......... no challenges, no funny stories, no deeply insightful thoughts - except that the English language is hilarious! Seriously look at the photo below  - I was in stitches! 

My Grammar and I (or should that be me?)  - Caroline Taggart

So on to the next date and something a little more challenging now that eating by myself in a restaurant and going to the movies by myself is out of the way. Maybe a performance or to go to the jimjibang (not likely)? Any suggestions?

PS This title was inspired by a beautiful sunshiny day and Take That's Shine.

[I got] this party started on a [Friday] night

With E on Valentines at Exit.

At a cafe with M and A

Back in January after my first date with myself, I wrote down a series of days I could set aside for myself up until July. However, life has a way of interrupting the best laid plans of mice and Maggie. I had wanted to do something for Valentine's weekend but when that weekend rolled up, I'd several dates with friends. Valentines was spent at Hongdae Park and Exit Bar near Hongik University in Seoul. A friend was DJ-ing so we danced the night away. The following day I met up with some other friends in Hongdae for a falafel dinner, cake and coffee (and in my case a glass of wine!). Needless to say, when you are having so much fun with friends, a date with yourself is the last thing on your mind. However, I was up in Seoul again two weekends later to say goodbye to some very dear friends, E and D, and a huge welcome to a friend, CG, who is newly arrived from Ireland. I decided that I'd go up Friday and get plenty of sleep so that I could party the night away on Saturday.

On that Wednesday, my co-teacher told me that the principal had decided that I could have Thursday and Friday off to spend how I wanted. I already had plans for Thursday evening with the same co-teacher so I decided I'd head up around noon on Friday afternoon, check-in and then head on my date to an art museum or a palace for the day. Sadly, I wasn't prepared to leave by noon but eventually, I made my way to Seoul. At this point, I'd decided to not bother with the date and to just while away the time reading my book, eating dinner and sleeping. However, I realised that the department store I was eating in had a cinema. One of my aims with "dating myself" is to do things that I am nervous to do alone or at all. Going to the cinema by myself ranked high on that list!

Caramel popcorn

Cinema ticket!

My ugly jumper on date night

So, despite the fact that I was in sweatpants and a jumper, I decided to "get over myself" and courageously went up the escalator. Thankfully, there weren't many people in the foyer and I bought my ticket  to Non-stop with Liam Neeson (swoon!) with ease. Loaded up with a concealed bottle of water (I'm cheap, don't ya know?) and a visible bag of caramel popcorn, I passed my ticket over and made my way to screen one. I have to admit that I enjoy going to the cinema with friends/family more than going by myself. I love the inevitable chat afterwards, the sharing of the treats (seriously, I ate an entire bag of popcorn by myself) and, if a moment is crazy, weepy or hilarious, having someone you can share it with.  That being said, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. You do feel judged and perhaps it is worse in Korea than in Ireland. Everyone was there either as a couple or in groups of friends. I was, literally, the only person by myself, sitting on the edge of an row. I forgot myself at a few points and went to grab my neighbour's arm. Thankfully, I restrained myself in time: I don't think his girlfriend would have been too pleased!

Big Bread, Sinchon (exit 3)

On Saturday, I knew I'd be busy from

 the afternoon onwards saying goodbye to E and D, so I decided that I'd use the morning for the rest of my impromptu date. I got up early and headed over to Sinchon to eat at a restaurant I'd read some reviews on. When I arrived (it was a little after 11, I think), I made my way downstairs and walked into Big Bread. I was the only customer. It freaked me out enough that I seriously considered turning around and finding a coffee shop. Whilst eating alone is not so intimidating any more, eating alone in a restaurant as the sole customer is. The restaurant was large enough to make me feel like an ant at a picnic. Consequently, although I was ready to eat after two minutes of perusing the menu, I was hesitant to press the bell to call the waitress. Instead I waited until I could wave her over. Whilst, I do think the bell is a wonderful invention, there is something very demanding about using it when you are the only one there!

(City hall, exit  2)

 A veggie sandwich and a cup of tea later, I decided to head to Deoksugung and attend the exhibition of Masterpieces of Modern Korean Painting.  My favourites were A deep valley by Noh Soohyeon, Autumn by Kim Kichang, The gate of youth by Chun Kyungju and Han Mook's Spiral Blue. This exhibition was quite busy as many families and couples were taking the Saturday morning to view the exhibit. I love taking my time at museums so I found the pace a little off-putting and I got quite a few stares when I lingered overly long at the above paintings. As this museum is in the grounds of the palace and the weather was delightful, I spent about another 30-40 minutes wandering around the palace grounds afterwards. I have visited this palace many times, though, so after a while, I decided to make my way back to my hostel and friends with a stop off for hot chocolate and cake. 

Cocobruni Earl Grey Cake

So, you might think I'm mad to have gone to an exhibit at a busy time considering I prefer my art and history in moments of quiet. Seriously, though had I known how busy it was going to be, I probably wouldn't have gone and I would have, possibly, missed out on a really nice exhibit. You might think I'm mad to go to the cinema by myself. This one I can totally understand and I even agree with! When I told some friends of my adventure, most of the girls told me they'd never done it either. Despite the fact that you sit in a dark room to watch a flickering screen, going to the cinema is such a social event. It wasn't easy for me to go up and order that ticket or to walk in alone. Luckily, once those lights go down everyone is concentrating on the screen and no one is even thinking about you.  So next time your want to see a movie that causes your boyfriend/girlfriend to roll his/her eyes in despair, remember you can take head on out with a big bag of popcorn and enjoy the movie without him/her!

PS This post was inspired by my second impromptu date and P!nk's song " Let's get this party started!"

With CG & D at Thursday Party

With CG & E at Thursday Party

PPS A huge shout-out to my friends E and; D - they are the people I visited Seoul so often for in the last 1.75 years and I will miss them terribly. E especially has been so kind, and I am so grateful to my brother for sharing his friends with me. And to CG - I look forward to sharing many adventures with you over this next year!

So while I’m still healing

I'm not a huge New Year's Eve person. I don't remember the last time I truly enjoyed it in years. Ok, I do. It was my first year back in Ireland after college. My sister's friend MK came up for a visit and we stayed up watching Surviving Christmas and, I think, a Take That performance. We were dragged outside to greet the new year and then rushed back in for sausages and egg-flip. We stayed up late and, eventually, one-by-one crawled our way up the stairs and into bed. My younger brother and sister remained downstairs as they decided that they'd clean up so our Mam wouldn't have a heart attack first thing in the new year (yes, we were that messy). The next thing I knew my dad was shouting for us all to get up and come downstairs as there was a grand surprise in the kitchen. I remember grumbling and complaining that it was probably just one of the neighbours. I was so annoyed that my sleep had been disturbed (it was 9.am!!!) and so I reluctantly pulled on a jumper, scrambled for socks and shoes and made my way down stairs. A screech of excitement poured out of me and the rest of my siblings: My aunt from America was in town! She hadn't told my mam that she was coming and only the two dotes who had stayed up cleaning knew about it. We spent the day chatting, eating and, at some point, in Cineworld watching Happy Feet while my aunt passed out next to us. It was a marvellous  new year as was the one following that (wow,  this is not going well for my post about not liking New Year's!) as another aunt and a cousin visited us from America. My Aunt stayed with us on New Year's eve and we spent the evening drinking, singing, playing games and just having a good time. I think we all stayed up, parents and aunt included, until at least 2 or 3 in the morning.

Most of my New Year's Eves, however, have felt like a let down. There is this huge build up to what amounts to not very much. Maybe I'm a cynic and maybe I've been alone too long but I feel that, much like Valentine's day, New Year's is a couple's holiday and there is a stench of desperation in the air when you are single. "Oh, you're single? What are you going to do for Valentine's/New Year's?" "Oh, who are you going to kiss when it's midnight?" Seriously, who cares?  I'm fine with the fact that I am single and alone on New Year's. It honestly doesn't bother me very much. Do I wish I had someone? Of course, I do...but not for the sole express reason of New Year's Eve. I don't want someone just for one night. I want someone for a long time. Hopefully, someday, forever (the single, independent me got shivers typing that!).  I don't need anyone to make my life complete right now. I'm happy being me and living these experiences. Yes, I want other experiences like marriage, a husband and kids. But, I'm (mostly) ok with the fact that it hasn't happened yet.

There's a point to this story, dear readers, and to this rant, so please bear with me a little longer. Katetastic recently helped Swaglu plan a date for herself. Swaglu went on a date by herself with herself. My mind boggled. What the feck? Seriously? What.....?  However, the more I thought about it and started to reflect on my hang-ups and the things that bother me about dating, the more the idea appealed to me. For example, at the moment dating someone seems like a chore - I don't want to have to consider anyone else in my plans. If I want to go up on a Saturday morning to Seoul, I don't want to feel that I have to invite someone else. I know I'll feel different about it when  I do have a boyfriend or husband but in the meantime, I don't think I'm ready for this step yet. I am having hard enough of a time trying to figure me out without adding someone else to the mix. On the other hand if someone were to ask me out, I (probably) wouldn't say no.

Breakfast and a book

To that end, Swaglu's date with herself inspired me. The weekend that I celebrated my birthday, I decided I wanted to go on a date with myself. I didn't know exactly what to do so I researched.
 I knew it should be something that I wanted to do so I decide to do some reading, eating, writing and cooking. I also wanted to factor in some reflection time and some fresh air. It's getting to be time to decide on whether or not I will stay in Korea, and, unlike last year, I have no real clue as to what I want to do. Taking myself on a date sounded like a good option. I decided that I would get up early so I could enjoy as much of the day as possible and I would dress up using mascara, jewelry and heeled boots. And, unlike normal I decided that I wouldn't plan too much. I had vague ideas of what I wanted to accomplish and the only solid thing I had decided on was that I would read Waris Dirie's Desert Flower.

On New Year's Eve, some friends and I had arranged to go to Noraebang (singing room) and whilst waiting for everyone to be free, I decided to take my book and read at the local coffee shop. Shortly after sitting down, I decided I wanted to start my date early and had started to text my friend to tell her. Before I could send the text she walked in, dressed all sparkly and ready to sing. And it hit me. Yes, my date is all about me. And despite having the voice of a crow, I love to sing. So off we went for a fun time! Sometime around 1, after a tipsy call home to say "Happy New Year", I flopped into bed. 

When morning arrived, I got up around 9.20 and began what would end up being the most relaxing day I ever remember having. I'm one of those people who usually needs about 50 alarms to wake up every morning. I set one and I paid attention to it. I spent my day reading and eating, walking and thinking. It was a perfect day for a winter date. The sky was fairly clear and, instead of bitter cold, the air was quite warm and pleasant. While I did things that I enjoy - walking in the sunshine, drinking tea and reading.  I also did something that challenged me: I ate alone in a restaurant and I enjoyed it. There is something about coffee shops and eating a muffin alone that are just fun but eating in a restaurant alone unnerves me. I've done it plenty of times, but always involuntarily. It's just one of those things that I don't like to do. So when I planned my date, I decided that I was going to enjoy a meal by myself in a public setting. 

The Memorial park I walked to

Nom Nom Nom

I picked one of my favourite restaurants here in Korea, Mt Fishtail in Cheonan, which has delicious Indian food and I set off. I arrived and was seated in a both next to 4 men. A little unnerved at the idea of facing them the whole time, I sat with my back facing them and had a great time. I spent some time thinking of what I want from life. I then read a book on my phone because I had accidentally left my second book for the day laying on my bed. I took a long time to eat - over an hour  -and I just enjoyed the time that I had.

Tea time!

Afterwards, I decided to go for a walk around the town thinking that I could tackle a second thing that I don't like doing by myself: going to the cinema. As I made my way up the several escalators, I was giving myself several mental claps on the back for being brave. And then, I go upstairs. The Hobbit wasn't on, and since I truly wasn't really enamoured with the idea of going to the cinema by myself, I decided it was time for home. Although, had The Hobbit been on, I think I could have done it and enjoyed it! Unfortunately getting out of the cinema proved difficult as I spent 15-20 minutes wandering around trying to find the exit. I even took a lift (elevator), which is not something I embark on lightly, to the 1st floor only to have to go down tons of escalators because I somehow managed to get up 5 floors ABOVE where I had been. Eventually, I found the exit and proceed home for more tea and relaxation.

You might think I'm mad to go on a date with myself. You might think I'm mad to be scared of eating alone and of elevators. Well, let's address elevators first - I've been stuck twice in them and had to be let out both times. So that is a reasonable fear. I have been in them plenty of times but I don't like being in them. Regarding the eating alone. I personally think it's ironic that for someone who enjoys food as much as I do that I don't like this activity but then I think of what a meal means to me: It means sitting around the table with my family, people jostling for the best seats and the biggest plate. It means conversations and laughter, ribbing and memories. However, as I discovered on New Year's day - eating alone has value too. I just need to channel my alone-ness better. As for dating myself, it isn't because I don't want to date someone in reality, it's because I need to get to know me better. I need to look at what changes and challenges I want to face in my life. There are things that have been on my list for years like eating alone and going to the cinema by myself that I have never gotten around too.

I have decided that I am going to commit to 11 more dates this year and for each of them I am going to do something that challenges me. February's date will be about going to the cinema alone. I don't know what the rest will be yet, but I hope that this challenge/resolution has a lot of value for me as a person who wants to grow and be the best version of herself that she can be. For someone who wants to get married and have a family someday, that I can be ready for the things that will scare me then. Like getting married and having children. When I was younger I was fearless but somewhere between the last year of college and now, I lost my courage and my freedom. I became shy and scared. It doesn't matter why it happened, it matters that it did and the only way I can get some of my freedom back is to challenge myself. So while I am challenging myself to find some healing and courage, "just try and have a little patience".

PS. This post was inspired by my New Year's day, some great memories and some great people. It was also inspired by Take That's "Patience".

PPS. Thank you to Rucy for recommending the perfect book to get me to look at my life from a different perspective. I highly recommend everyone reads Desert Flower, especially if you are interested in the topic of FGM.