So I am writing this entry after it occured to me half way through this week of sleep (I've been home sick) that the reason I am sick is that I have been moving too fast.
If you remember, I decided to set myself the goal of completing my TEFL certification by the end of January. To understand what was so monumentous about that task you need to realise that it took me from September to December to complete approximately 60 hours of my TEFL and I was hoping to complete the remaining 60 in 31 days. Well I made it to 115 hours completed by the 31st, Nevertheless, I am so proud that I completed that much and in the time frame that I did – and even though I didn't reach my goal completely – this certification (from i-to-i) is now under my belt and allowing me to go one more step in the direction of change and adventure.
Unfortunately, working fulltime combined with studying every evening until at least 12 at night (mostly until at least 1am) does not lend itself to a healthy lifestyle. Sadly my other goal for January rocked, peetered and fizzed out half way through. I was a woman obsessed with finishing TEFL and now that it is over – I feel groundless. As if now that I am not anxiously awaiting feedback from my tutor with a “yea” or a “nay” that I am doing nothing worthwhile with my life. (OK don't worry this is not a “I am depressed” blog). Which leads me to what I've decided to do to make (the remaining part of) February worthwhile.
I was talking with my sister, Mademoiselle Awesome, at the beginning of February about planning (at this stage I hadn't finished TEFL yet). She suddenly turned to me and said “I bet I know what you're planning for this evening”. I was a bit taken aback but said “go on”. She then proceeded to tell me IN DETAIL exactly what I had planned for the rest of the evening. I laughed but she then pointed out that 9/10 she can guess what I am planning and it hit me (well, actually she hit me with her wisdom – sometimes she acts like she is 100!) - I never stop and smell the roses – or slow down and appreciate life without having planned it down to the milisecond. I don't understand the concept of Spontaneity. How sad, I hear you exclaim! And you are right. I am 29 years old and for the last 5 years at least I have forgotten how to do something just because: When I come home in the evenings by the time I get to my door I've planned that I am going to watch X, check my emails, cook dinner and tomorrows, shower, bed by 11. When something doesn't work out I get frustrated and snappy (just ask my family). I live as if I can only live if everthing is planned. If I plan on going on a walk on Tuesday but my sister asks me on Monday, I usually will refuse her because you know – I plan to go tomorrow.
So you might think I'm mad but for February I'm going to slow down and try to “feel groovy”. I don't have enough time to fine-tune and plan this goal especially since February is almost half-over! However, that's a good thing since the goal of the month is to try and find some Spontaneity in my life.
Wish me luck !
PS – Yet again the title of this post is inspired by a song and if you don't know the song “Feelin' Groovy” by Simon and Garfunkel – we NEED to talk!